tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post8492886589793889324..comments2023-10-11T04:09:53.564-07:00Comments on materfamilias writes: Yes, I am an Introvert, With Curls . . . materfamiliashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comBlogger30125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-61875105246689446802014-01-18T08:50:23.177-08:002014-01-18T08:50:23.177-08:00Thanks for discussing introvert v. extrovert and S...Thanks for discussing introvert v. extrovert and Susan Cain's book. I too am an introvert who masquerades as an extrovert in front of a college classroom. My classes are all day Saturday to accommodate students' work schedules. I now know why I am so exhausted at the end of the day. It isn't all the work, of which there is plenty, but the stress on my system to work outside my 'comfort' zone. This book has so much application for any type of work that involves people. Thank you!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-42997477292167335282014-01-13T19:41:36.237-08:002014-01-13T19:41:36.237-08:00Okay, I'll do that very soon, from one curly-h...Okay, I'll do that very soon, from one curly-haired introvert to another ;-)materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-666124908126546902014-01-11T15:53:31.402-08:002014-01-11T15:53:31.402-08:00I just love your hair! I too am an introvert with ...I just love your hair! I too am an introvert with curly extroverted hair. I would love to know what product you use on yours and what you mean about washing and twisting the curls into place. Maybe a blog post on this? I know I love to read about how people manage their curls.Brendahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16473198489963801439noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-64861058863218292502014-01-11T13:30:22.430-08:002014-01-11T13:30:22.430-08:00It's a surprisingly common story, isn't it...It's a surprisingly common story, isn't it? Mine is a slightly different variation on the theme, but similar enough to recognize. And like you, the trick now is to get the balance right rather than to deny myself the social pleasures I really do enjoymaterfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-67369771395056006082014-01-11T13:26:28.069-08:002014-01-11T13:26:28.069-08:00That's the best kind of travel reading!
I, too...That's the best kind of travel reading!<br />I, too, have found my introversion reclaiming its territory in the last few years. So much that youthful energy can compensate for . . .<br />Re the sweater colour, thank you! I really should have more in my wardrobe...materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-59722480450303488632014-01-10T15:49:19.621-08:002014-01-10T15:49:19.621-08:00Interesting post and comments here and I really do...Interesting post and comments here and I really do need to read that book. Its looking like it may be a good month away though as there are too many things on the list right now and a slew of commitments. I suppose I've known I was introverted for a long long time. I was criticized for it often as a child, criticized for being far to sensitive as well, and I know the goal of that criticism was the hope that it would make me more extraverted. It boomeranged of course and only made me more shy and withdrawn, and made it harder for me to eventually come out of that shell. I suppose, looking back on it now, it was odd that no one tried to dissuade me from majoring in English Lit, where 50% of the grade was on participation, when my myers-briggs indicated strong introversion.<br /><br />I am not particularly shy now, and I love talking to people and going to parties. I weigh the costs and benefits, though, and I allow myself to sit back and listen or watch a bit when I am out. I've come to accept that I need a lot of alone time in order to be happy and to be able to spend time with those I love. When I don't get that time, or I am forced to be "on" too much I tend to pull deeper inside and can lose contact with important people, becoming almost withdrawn. I am learning to balance my schedule and set aside time for myself. I'm also learning to accept that I am happier and far more productive if I give myself the time I need, not the time someone else thinks might be adequate.Mardelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04850551308931710502noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-33461134184385001142014-01-10T14:08:17.114-08:002014-01-10T14:08:17.114-08:00I'm going to have to get that book. (First in ...I'm going to have to get that book. (First in the queue though is a series of essays on Eleanor of Aquitaine....hoping to finish that in time for our trip. Lots of Plantagenet history in the Loire Valley to soak up...) I really recognize myself as someone who (more and more) is drained a bit by social interaction, as much as I enjoy it. Thanks to that graphic and the recent bubble of discussions online about introverts, during the recent wave of holiday parties I gave myself permissions to spend more time at social gatherings just sitting back and observing/listening. It really helped me to not feel totally spent after a couple of hours. As a child I was very much an introvert, usually preferring the company of a book or an afternoon on horseback to socializing.<br /><br />I'm always just floored when you wear that blue color. You look amazing. Gorgeous.Susan Bhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16005855250089328310noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-10358872616964259782014-01-09T17:39:19.961-08:002014-01-09T17:39:19.961-08:00I don't. . .I don't. . . materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-63977438775085991702014-01-09T17:39:09.773-08:002014-01-09T17:39:09.773-08:00Your son is lucky to have your support and underst...Your son is lucky to have your support and understanding. Cain speaks of exactly this point and she offers some basic advice on managing the bias in favour of the extrovert. I think it's also helpful to know that others experience the same phenomenon -- and that we grow more comfortable in our interactions, with maturity. I'd love to hear what you think if/when you get a chance to read the book.materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-70714445140196067722014-01-09T16:24:54.063-08:002014-01-09T16:24:54.063-08:00Just wondering, Do you know your Myers-Briggs type...Just wondering, Do you know your Myers-Briggs type? Duchessehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09986153653120526776noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-50275675423928733402014-01-09T07:36:41.991-08:002014-01-09T07:36:41.991-08:00Sorry for the above typos, blogger didn't acce...Sorry for the above typos, blogger didn't accept my edits for some reason!Murphynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-92066805191248067502014-01-09T07:35:04.989-08:002014-01-09T07:35:04.989-08:00I need to get this book! I am a shy introvert, and...I need to get this book! I am a shy introvert, and also an academic who puts on a good act in class and then happily retreats to my office and books. My mother is still trying to reform me, but I think I have finally accepted my quirks, or at least some of them. Two of my three children are also shy introverts, and one of them is currently going through the college admissions process. It depresses me how much the process favors extroverts. He has a great school record, he is funny, hardworking and smart, and well-liked by teachers, coaches and team mates. But now all the colleges are having inteerviews, and he has to go and try to sell himself to a total stranger, who is probably and extrovert and has power over his future. It is like torture! I tell him it is good life experience, blah-blah-blah, but really I feel bad for him. I also tell him that the world needs people like us, because who elae will listen to all of the extroverts!Murphynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-85748896713415065512014-01-08T20:30:43.748-08:002014-01-08T20:30:43.748-08:00The part about the "Highly Sensitive" wa...The part about the "Highly Sensitive" was really fascinating -- I have only come to recognize some of this tendency in myself in recent years. I think that growing up as the eldest of 12, then having my own 4 beginning when I was only 23, I never knew the quiet I must have craved except when dug into a book -- no wonder I read so much.<br />I'm not shy, either, most of the time, but I was as a child and as a teen in some circumstances. Interesting that what I'm reading here, similar to what Cain says, is that so many of us who know ourselves to be introverts nonetheless feel quite confident in our social abilities.materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-79358673516875035412014-01-08T20:26:52.814-08:002014-01-08T20:26:52.814-08:00Funny how labels like this can give us permission ...Funny how labels like this can give us permission rather than constrain or limit us. It's an interesting conversation, isn't it?!materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-25664574741309125412014-01-08T20:26:06.843-08:002014-01-08T20:26:06.843-08:00It seems to be relatively common in our line of wo...It seems to be relatively common in our line of work, doesn't it -- so many of us shut our office doors against the world and revel in the quiet but then put on animated shows in front of our classes.<br />Like you, I've been moved by Cain's insights to adapt my pedagogy. I was gratified to read some of the findings she summarizes debunking the trend to groupwork. As a student, I rarely found that approach particularly productive although it could often be more "fun" or entertaining. She cites research that validates my intuition quite nicely.materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-47845187323269059532014-01-08T20:22:23.263-08:002014-01-08T20:22:23.263-08:00It's so interesting, isn't it? And good to...It's so interesting, isn't it? And good to come to terms with, also.<br />No, I don't think people assume the curls signal extroversion. I hope I'll be able to make the link clear but it's more about accepting myself than about how others see me.materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-6355060799179535142014-01-08T20:21:03.045-08:002014-01-08T20:21:03.045-08:00This is SUCH a good question! Makes me pause and r...This is SUCH a good question! Makes me pause and really helps frame the whole nature/nurture -- and context! -- question. Roughly, though? They all are predominantly introverts. . .but quite social introverts. . . materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-64459726665267062092014-01-08T20:19:27.572-08:002014-01-08T20:19:27.572-08:00Yes, this is the kind of distinctions I found real...Yes, this is the kind of distinctions I found really interesting in Cain. I strike many people as extroverted -- I mean, there I am, performing, in front of a class. But then I need to find a quiet corner, shut my office door, put the book in front of my face on my commute home. <br />And I too am increasingly parsimonious about my time socializing. I will happily exhaust myself talking to a good friend for hours but small talk with someone I have little interest in. . . not so much. . . materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-72204800681464318582014-01-08T20:17:01.973-08:002014-01-08T20:17:01.973-08:00It's true, isn't it, that part of the Fren...It's true, isn't it, that part of the French reserve works to protect our bubble. I sometimes wish they were less that way, but on the other hand, I have been known to bridle when people don't respect boundaries, depending how sensitive I am at the time. Those who ignore obvious signals like my reading a book.. .. grrrrr. . . materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-44936164169633143562014-01-08T17:38:39.486-08:002014-01-08T17:38:39.486-08:00Yes! Cain talks about ways that parents can help t...Yes! Cain talks about ways that parents can help their child negotiate the world in a way that values their sensitivity rather than denigrates it. She also offers surprising examples of people who eschew certain kinds of team/groupwork in favour of the productivity of solitude. The book has led me to change some of my classroom pedagogy to leave more time for individual brainstorming -- so little room in our world for the Quiet that it seems important to make a pocket here and there.materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-18408642128646379212014-01-08T17:35:50.808-08:002014-01-08T17:35:50.808-08:00I find exactly the same thing -- indeed, I've ...I find exactly the same thing -- indeed, I've been trying to find ways to correct the shrinking of my "friendship circle" directly due to the social/emotional exhaustion I find as a result of my work. Thanks for this really good example of precisely what I'm talking about.materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-85651396121220970542014-01-08T15:29:58.493-08:002014-01-08T15:29:58.493-08:00I'm another one who actually enjoys socialisin...I'm another one who actually enjoys socialising, but only if I know I can have LOTS of solitude and silence later on. I think it's why I can only teach part-time - my writing work I do totally alone, of course. It's also been pointed out to me that whenever we host, which is quite often, I spend most of my time in the kitchen, being visited by one or two people to chat - I only mingle with the 'crowd' for a very limited time. The thing I identified with most in Cain's book was the hyper-sensitivity. When I was a kid I was always being chastised by my mother for this particular quality, or accused of being surly when I was just being quiet/reading/thinking. And although I am relatively introverted, I'm not at all shy. Tiffanynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-76529629159575888422014-01-08T13:39:52.510-08:002014-01-08T13:39:52.510-08:00Me too. I read the book late last year. It now fee...Me too. I read the book late last year. It now feels really easy to say, I am an introvert. Before the only labels I could use were, I am not a people person, I am shy, I am sensitive, I like books. Labels are interesting but this one really seems to feel right for me. I too lose energy around people. I can sustain for a while and sometimes I literally have to run away. Too much noise, conversation, light, music also has the same effect. But there are definitely times when I can perform. I will follow the rest of the comments with interest. Moonbootshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07930871568285395507noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-9957907147171231742014-01-08T12:31:20.268-08:002014-01-08T12:31:20.268-08:00I've seen an excerpt from Cain's talk and ...I've seen an excerpt from Cain's talk and definitely think of myself as an introvert who loves to perform (on stage! in the classroom!) but happily sneak away during large gatherings even at my own home to refuel. I've been thinking about my students differently too, and their "participation" grades, as I realize more and more that I need to provide different kinds of participatory experiences for them. Miss Cavendishhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17461488799928956875noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-44009822327136388182014-01-08T10:00:24.841-08:002014-01-08T10:00:24.841-08:00I read Cain's book shortly after it came out. ...I read Cain's book shortly after it came out. What I took away was much the same as you - the myth-busting aspect. It's okay for me to be introverted in a culture that values extroversion. When I have, in the past, thought I needed to be more outgoing, it felt wrong. Fake. Pushing myself to be someone I am not. Uncomfortable.<br />In our relationship, my husband would likely be considered more introverted than I am. But, like yours, he seems better able to cope with more socializing than I. He is rarely alone and doesn't seem to crave solitude the way I do. <br />Is there an assumption that your gorgeous wild curls somehow indicate an extroverted personality, too? Maybe there should be a bumper sticker, "Just because my hair is extroverted doesn't mean I am." Lorriehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03653026442945027184noreply@blogger.com