tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post2845977833148588096..comments2023-10-11T04:09:53.564-07:00Comments on materfamilias writes: I Might Not be Badass, but I Conquered that Trail!materfamiliashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comBlogger33125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-70024964921566714222016-08-25T12:46:07.007-07:002016-08-25T12:46:07.007-07:00Although words are so much easier than deeds. One ...Although words are so much easier than deeds. One adult son is having a hard time, and I really have to work not to intervene primarily because I keep thinking of the worst that could happen. One day at a time...<br /><br />Happy Anniversary -- quite a wonderful thing!Lynnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13402459402926219046noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-26222159758847545822016-08-25T07:22:46.545-07:002016-08-25T07:22:46.545-07:00When you say you miss this, are you speaking of G,...When you say you miss this, are you speaking of G, Mardel? Because I think/thought of that, as well, of how much my getting up that mountain depends, at the moment at least (and has depended throughout my adult life), on the supportive presence of my husband and how quickly that could change. . . <br />I think, at some level, part of what I might be objecting to in the way this term gets used -- and I know this is foolish of me, reveals my teenage vulnerabilities, is goofily revealing of a wistfulness, a wishfulness -- is that it doesn't seem to capture the qualities and the life experiences wrapped up in bodies and faces and grey hair and more constrained or genteel behaviour -- like ours, if I may dare say so. Having been cast in a certain role throughout grade school to move past that quite happily, even triumphantly, in adulthood, I'm a bit cranky at being plunked on the margins again. And part of the crankiness is at myself for letting others define the playing field, the sidelines, the margins. <br />But then I read your comment, and my crankiness is replaced by a momentary exultation that we're sharing these stories that unveil our complexities -- We're so much more than either/or, and I am adding that glorious image of you hurtling down the New England hill alongside all the images of knitting and sewing and gardening and grieving and uprooting and decorating and traveling and caregiving and reading Mardel. . .And I'm very pleased that you find that sentence useful. xo materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-45457560072279042032016-08-25T07:09:53.153-07:002016-08-25T07:09:53.153-07:00Oh, there's something so very appealing about ...Oh, there's something so very appealing about a swaggering little yappy mutt ;-) Go for it! materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-84594928471769577282016-08-25T07:09:12.259-07:002016-08-25T07:09:12.259-07:00Exactly, Eleonore, there are so many ways to stret...Exactly, Eleonore, there are so many ways to stretch ourselves beyond what we assume to be our natural limitations, and so many motivations. Thanks for the applause -- I did feel pretty satisfied with getting myself to the topmaterfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-49321868189914111392016-08-25T07:05:38.920-07:002016-08-25T07:05:38.920-07:00Thanks for leaping, Lorrie, it's good to have ...Thanks for leaping, Lorrie, it's good to have company from someone else who tries to move through fear. I remember a few posts of yours (accompanied by magnificent photos) that took on this same issue, although from a slightly different perspective (perhaps when you were hiking in the Rockies?)materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-56094506931729865202016-08-25T07:03:23.958-07:002016-08-25T07:03:23.958-07:00Ah, the different scenarios spun out in our heads....Ah, the different scenarios spun out in our heads. . . my downfall, although I do try to work at it and go one step at a time. Resilience, Focus, Optimisim in the face of difficulties -- good qualities to cultviate, Lynn, you're very wise.materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-64868332141490855522016-08-25T04:50:52.279-07:002016-08-25T04:50:52.279-07:00"Sometimes the sweet encouragement felt like ..."Sometimes the sweet encouragement felt like a silencing of my fears, a denial, a bullying me up the mountain, even"<br /><br />How much I miss that, and how perfectly you have captured it in that sentence. For that gem I thank you and I may well use it somewhere if you do not mind.<br /><br />This post resonates on many levels, and I am not sure I can add anything to the comments here. But it is good to challenge ourselves, and I have occasionally done so. Some challenges were physical and lonely -- a solo bike ride across New England in my 20's including racing down a steep hill with cliffs on either side and no shoulders, terrified that I would either lose control of my bike at high speed or be run over by a speeding car, and even the decision to keep my husband at home even though I could have made other choices. Each time, what I learned far outweighed my fears. I object to the term badass because I object to dual thinking, and the entire badass/princess debate reminds me of the virgin/whore mentality I grew up with in the American South in the 1970s. Aside from that it glorifies but one tiny aspect of the complex beauty of who we are as human creatures.<br /><br />But that is rather abstract. Celebrate overcoming fears. And congratulations on that climb. What constantly amazes me is that we are all really such complex, and wonderful beings, all of us, but we can only seem to become our best selves through interaction with others. And so, I will say that equal congratulations to growing into that simultaneous tension and harmony that builds relationship, one that allows you both to complement each other and grow.<br />Mardelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04850551308931710502noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-18122013562684130042016-08-25T00:36:38.307-07:002016-08-25T00:36:38.307-07:00Like everyone , I'd love to be able to do the ...Like everyone , I'd love to be able to do the whole Badass thing . But the best I can ever hope for is a sort of little flea-bitten mutt's yappy determination . Doesn't stop me swaggering , though . SmitoniusAndSonatahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11210817141287881808noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-945431094938362242016-08-24T11:20:35.458-07:002016-08-24T11:20:35.458-07:00Interesting that you mentioned the jumping over th...Interesting that you mentioned the jumping over the box. I downright refused, especially the somersaulting over the box, because a) I knew it would end badly and b) what was the point. And I claimed the sweetest of victories- for all the shouting and ranting, the PE teacher couldn't physically make me do it. More anon in response to your so interesting posts.Lindahttp://occasionalscotland.blogspot.co.uknoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-78858507461078705962016-08-23T18:18:41.150-07:002016-08-23T18:18:41.150-07:00Wow! That's a great list -- I'm imagining ...Wow! That's a great list -- I'm imagining a game of two truths and a lie. . . ;-)<br />I've never been fearless, but I'm with you in thinking that our 60s is an age when we've earned the right to try new adventures and also to drop them if they frighten or might harm us. (and I've never braved the Army and Navy shoe sale, but I think that takes immense courage! ;-)materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-43232114758128516712016-08-23T18:15:34.652-07:002016-08-23T18:15:34.652-07:00"no" is such a useful word at times, isn..."no" is such a useful word at times, isn't it?!<br />I think I could do desert dunes as well, unless I started worrying that they might swallow me up. . . I was happy to climb to the top of the Dune du Pilat (in the Arcachon area of France)<br /><br />"true grit is about facing something unexpected and dreadful when we least expect it and when we have no choice" YES! This is it! The truth is we won't know what we can or can't or will or won't know until that moment. We might rehearse and rehearse mentally and physically, but that is the determiner. Well put. . . And I'll be very careful never ever to call you a Princess. materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-58666598449684278702016-08-23T18:11:26.671-07:002016-08-23T18:11:26.671-07:00You sound like a very sensible and capable "p...You sound like a very sensible and capable "princess" to me, Wendy. And I'm glad to hear that "badass" doesn't seem to have caught on over there yet. Do be careful as you peer over those cliff edges though, won't you? ;-)materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-81935067720711648912016-08-23T07:45:30.782-07:002016-08-23T07:45:30.782-07:00Love this: "we girls and women were always en...Love this: "we girls and women were always encouraged. . . to do a lot of things that were hard or tough work (after doing all the dishes, etc)" Ha! too funny!<br />Amazing that you could do everything you have with MS for so long -- such strength and conviction and commitment. <br />And I did look up the Odyssey Cave -- absolutely magical, but it does look difficult to access. So glad you got back to it! (and I recognise that cry of "just leave me here"! ;-)materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-74027987096268617732016-08-23T07:38:26.368-07:002016-08-23T07:38:26.368-07:00There were a few pre-teen years when I liked playi...There were a few pre-teen years when I liked playing basketball at recess and lunchtime, ditto pick-up baseball in the back lane with the neighbourhood kids. And then too quickly, that fun went away with the sorting that happened in high school, the competition. Plus realistically, the team sports thing just requires too much socialising of the type that doesn't energise me. . . But I can see how much joy it's brought those who suit it -- the continued connection my sister-in-law has had with her high-school basketball team through 40 years is really cool. To each her own, right?<br />And yes, exhilaration and fatigue and a HUGE appetite! ;-) materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-85222587526233765362016-08-23T07:32:07.867-07:002016-08-23T07:32:07.867-07:00Yes! This is a very important point indeed, Susan....Yes! This is a very important point indeed, Susan. And not simply do our physical capabilities differ, but also our sensitivities. I'm much more sensitive to my environment than my husband is, which surely factors into my greater perception of possible dangers. Noise stresses me more, as it does with K, above. Phobias are almost as deeply rooted, for some, as a physical disability. So if we use the word "badass," which seems to have some use value, we should keep its meaning expansive, be aware that might seem tame to one is badass for another. . .materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-90545685119807958282016-08-23T07:27:51.257-07:002016-08-23T07:27:51.257-07:00Some great points here, K. Long ago, my husband po...Some great points here, K. Long ago, my husband pointed out to me that while I see myself as not a risk-taker because I'm physically cautious, in fact I'm much, much more of an emotional risk-taker than he is. I let myself be vulnerable in many situations. And I do stuff despite being afraid or unsure. <br />So maybe I could start calling myself Badass occasionally. Except I still don't love the word. (if I did, I'd def. call you Badass, especially now you're hanging upside down on your wall at home!)<br />Note to self: Need new words! ;-)materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-81767819914323810422016-08-23T07:23:08.194-07:002016-08-23T07:23:08.194-07:00Yep! I love your hyperbole in second sentence -- m...Yep! I love your hyperbole in second sentence -- matches mine quite nicely ;-)<br />Again, another example (see Sue,above) of the value of outdoor activities as a motivator. And let's hope that today's PE teachers are much more positive in their approaches for all kids, not just the naturally athletic.materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-87808861374140602302016-08-23T07:21:15.358-07:002016-08-23T07:21:15.358-07:00Lots of similarities between us -- for me, also, a...Lots of similarities between us -- for me, also, a husband with a love of the outdoors and some serious skills there made all the difference. There is so much more motivation in canoeing to a remote camping spot than in having to leap over a box horse (we had to do this regularly in PE class in elementary school -- I have no idea what the presumed value beyond terrifying 9-year-olds!)materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-41635247745566446892016-08-23T07:18:46.476-07:002016-08-23T07:18:46.476-07:00Glad to have you chime in, Jean, from the "ba...Glad to have you chime in, Jean, from the "badass" end of the spectrum, clumsy though we agree that word to be. I love to know that there are many women like you who are not hampered by fear when you approach physical challenges and risky pursuits. You inspire me to take my more careful steps in the same direction, if not as far or as fast.<br />And I absolutely agree that feminism has to be inclusive.<br />As for your comments re encouraging your partner, so good for me to hear the difficulties from that perspective -- yes! I do this to my poor husband. I think your solution is a good one, just letting us go at our pace and distracting us with chat about something else. I will say that despite my grumbling disbelief at his encouragement as your partner does to yours, secretly I often cherish the praise wrapped in his words. . . .materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-7479673599405016592016-08-23T00:36:07.186-07:002016-08-23T00:36:07.186-07:00When you do something you thought you couldn't...When you do something you thought you couldn't do it is natural to feel proud, satisfied and - I think - free in a way: a limitation cast off and left behind you. But the challenges do no have to be physical ones: speaking in front of 100 strange people, spending an entire weekend by yourself in a lonely house, saying No to your boss... for each one of us they may be different. And the need to try must come from within, nobody can tell you that "you have to overcome your fears" etc. (Although some cajoling can be very helpful, indeed.) Rising to a challenge always deserves applause, so hurrah to you for doing That Trail!Eleonorenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-25415574574751265812016-08-22T21:29:00.024-07:002016-08-22T21:29:00.024-07:00I'm leaping into this conversation after readi...I'm leaping into this conversation after reading only this post. I'll go back and read your "badass" definition - a word I've never liked. I'm a rather fearful person and my husband is not. I try to think logically about situations, but often my emotions overtake the logic. I try to push through my fears. I am paranoid (really) about snakes (even hate writing the word) and yet, I lived in the jungle for many years. There was always an awareness, a slight tension, that I would notice only when it disappeared when we went to the mountains. And I don't like bears (we met a mama and cub on our hike at Toba Inlet last summer), but I don't want my fears to paralyze me from living.<br />Good for you for tackling that challenging hike. I can identify with the "don't cajole me" feelings as well as the "I'm actually accomplishing this" ones. And what a view!Lorriehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03653026442945027184noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-66806010933444471302016-08-22T15:30:32.588-07:002016-08-22T15:30:32.588-07:00Physical challenges have never been an issue for m...Physical challenges have never been an issue for me probably because they did not matter to my parents (intellectual challenges were a different issue), childhood asthma, an ability to sunburn in a rainstorm and growing up where it could over 100 F six months a year. I'm just fine staying at the bottom of the mountain if it looks too difficult. My challenge is resilience -- trying to stay in focus and optimistic when life is difficult. Patient support is the best assistance, but the most effective strategy is often to try to just take it a day at a time instead of spinning out different scenarios in my head. Lynnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13402459402926219046noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-80072423749150888122016-08-22T14:41:27.940-07:002016-08-22T14:41:27.940-07:00Thank you for this comment, Susan...you make a ver...Thank you for this comment, Susan...you make a very important point. Leslie in Oregonnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-67980909010518637412016-08-22T12:57:50.681-07:002016-08-22T12:57:50.681-07:00I was fearless as a child , adolescent and young ...I was fearless as a child , adolescent and young adult. Now in my sixties, I would say that I take calculated risks. I will try new adventures once and drop them immediately if they frighten or potentially harm me. I no longer downhill ski, sail, jump horses, teach in a maximum security prison, drink heavily nor shop at the Army and Navy show sale. MaryBhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09425210540881406038noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-89901961293522049842016-08-22T05:17:07.801-07:002016-08-22T05:17:07.801-07:00Heights horrify me. Now I decide whether or not I...Heights horrify me. Now I decide whether or not I am going to do something that involves sheer and high and slippy and then follow through. Hence I never, ever, ever go skiing. And have no qualms whatsoever about saying: no, not for me. Go ahead. See you later. Going up is bad enough, down is the real terror. I did, however, manage to brace myself to trek across the tops of high desert dunes because I realised that, should I need to move aside, I could simply step down and then back up again. Falling would not result in death. Did it remove my fears? No. Rather like snakes and rats, a fear of heights is perfectly natural. I am sick, sick, sick of being expected to take challenges, push myself, be some kind of warrior. Because we all know that true grit is about facing something unexpected and dreadful when we least expect it and when we have no choice. But I am pleased that you enjoyed your hike and did The Thing. Plus, if anyone accused me of being a Princess I would punch their lights out.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com