Thursday, April 11, 2013
Sorting Out/Through the Past . . .
Here's the thing.
Everything I've told you about my family and my mother over the past few weeks is true.
And so much of it is false.
Thrown back into preparing and teaching classes, meeting with students, and marking their work, writing their final exams, I keep receiving warm words of condolences from friends and colleagues, words that often include some reference to what a strong woman my mother must have been, what a wonderful mother to have raised such a family. And I realize that this is certainly the impression I've given in anything I've said and written to most, particularly since Mom's decline started in earnest two months ago. And it's even mostly true. Except. . .
So I'm pondering and sorting and weighing and marvelling.
And I clicked, haphazardly, on one of those links that Blogger kindly provides below each post, and it led me to this, written for Mother's Day 3 years ago: http://materfamiliasknits.blogspot.ca/2010/05/mothers-day-memories-and-musings.html I got closer to some of the truths that have been edited out of more recent posts -- or, at least, haven't seemed as relevant in light of bigger truths that have emerged in death's shadow . . .
That's all, for now. I'm still working through, and I may be forever, that puzzle over what's true and what's false and how so much can be both at once.
But meanwhile, isn't this a great photograph? I'd never seen it before this week, not in my almost 60 years. . . . she's on the right, obviously, standing next to her mother, my Grandmother, who rarely smiled in photographs. Definitely smiling are her two younger brothers. They're all on an outing, in Vancouver's Stanley Park, and Mom would have been somewhere between 17 and 20, I'm guessing. . .