Thursday, November 4, 2010

Night into Day, Dark into Light . . .

So many of you offered solace or insight at my recent post disclosing a patch of sadness I've been going through as a late-middle-aged mother and daughter. I'm happy to note that the breach in my relationship with one of my daughters (the element that had me identifying so strongly with the indignities of ageing my mother and MIL are suffering), has been repaired. Light, in other words, is back on the horizon, and hence these photos of a gorgeous sunrise, one that features a still-luminous sliver of moon.
I recognize that these metaphors verge on the trite, but that, I'd argue, is because they fit so well with the human condition that we can't resist them. Having lived in the dark, we rejoice in the light. And having experienced the continual cycling between the two, we gain a cautious wisdom that our lives will continue to move between the two.

I have learned a few things about Mothering adult children, things that pertain more generally to our role as elders (in the best sense of the word, I hope), and things that pertain particularly to my own insecurities and my strengths, to the adjustments I need and want to make at this stage of my life. Once I've sorted out which things are which, I hope to write something about that here, but meanwhile, I thought I'd just let you know that the daylight's shining 'round these parts again, for now. . .

And it can come through this now-closed in skylight, soon to be finished on the inside, and surrounded by roof shingles on the outside -- the roofers were here yesterday tearing down and will be here again applying shingles and flashing and all that good stuff.

It's been a goofily busy week work-wise (committee work -- did I mention that it never rains but it pours!), and Pater's working in Vancouver, so no one doing domestic support, sadly. Nor anyone manning the camera, so I'm not sure what, if anything, I'll come up with for What I Wore.
But the upcoming weekend, though also busy, will feature a granddaughter sleepover -- can't wait! I'll keep you post-ed (get it? a VERY bad pun!).


  1. I'm glad things are looking up! I think we all realize that things tend to cycle. Knowing doesn't make the down times any easier to deal with though.

    The skylight looks great, by the way.

  2. So glad to hear both that your daughter and you are easy again AND that the hole in your roof is just about ready to become a beautiful skylight.

  3. I'm glad to hear you've worked things out with your daughter, and that your skylight is close to finished! Hopefully this means your roof is now watertight?

  4. That is good to hear and I look forward to what you will write about mothering adult children.

  5. So ironic with the "fixed" skylight and is like that sometimes...

  6. Good news mater...and I find that mothering adult children is often like walking on eggshells.

  7. You mean it doesn't end with the teen years?! Oh dear. I'm glad to hear that things are better now - it's so easy for something like that to knock one's equilibrium totally out of whack. P.

  8. It is a funny thing being a mother to someone who has left home. I, in my naivety though we would exchange one or two amusing emails a week, I thought she might keep in touch via this blog, since she knows of it's existence and found it quite amusing. But no, nothing just a list of wants via Kitty and a text to find out when I am arriving this weekend with the rest of her stuff.
    I guess if I had to I could join Facebook and track her every move, but I won't
    I was shocked at first and felt sadder than before, but now I have compartmentalised it into tough love on her part and so will not chase her.
    I am so pleased you have resolved your sadness which coupled with coming home to an empty house can't have been easy, even when softened by those gorgeous views.

  9. Thanks, all -- apparently, the roofers put the wrong type of shingles on one part of the house. Luckily, our contractor caught the error, and the roofing company has to swallow the cost -- but it means an extra day or two has to be spent taking off and putting on. Still, this coming week should see the end of it all.
    Hostess: Ah, so you know . . . eggshells indeed, even though we have wonderful relationships.
    Patricia: I'd say, though, that once you get through the teens (for boys, that might be somewhere in the early 20s!), you've done most of the heavy lifting -- except that then you'll have to cross your fingers that you like the girlfriends and they like you (Luckily, ours is great!)
    Alison: This stage will pass -- I've seen what Kitty's relationship with you is like, and although she's caught up with the newness of her uni life, independence, etc., you'll have that back again, I'm sure. Although from my memory, it will pulse its way to maturity -- so often, they'll call, needing mom's comfort and advice desperately, sobbing on the phone so that you're trying not to sob along with. You talk them through it until you're completely wrung out -- and at some point, they remember that they're supposed to meet some friends for drinks and they give clear signals that you're keeping them on the phone too long. It gets to be almost comic (especially since you will, as I did, go through this with three different daughters!) -- exasperating, exhausting, but almost comic!

  10. Oh my! The skylight looks beautiful and I am glad it will be finished soon, may in fact be finished by now.

    And I am also happy that the light is shining again and you are back in the brighter side of the cycle. Knowing the cycles of life does not necessarily make them easier nor the feelings less real and intense. But it is good that things are getting easier again, at least on the daughter front, to make dealing with all the other stuff of life a little lighter as well.

  11. Good news,ma. Sometimes I find coping with adult childrens' development more challenging than the teen years, b/c then everything was an easier read, the ultimate heights and depths...

    Did I miss something, Pater is "working"?


I'd love to hear your response to my post. Agree, disagree, even go off on a tangent, I love to know you're out there, readers. Let's chat, shall we? I apologize, though, for the temporary necessity of the Word Verification -- spam comments have been tiresomely numerous lately, and I'm hoping to break that pattern.

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