tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post7584297126161784710..comments2023-10-11T04:09:53.564-07:00Comments on materfamilias writes: Five Things Friday, Home Alone. . . materfamiliashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comBlogger45125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-51350794215709258112017-02-28T15:46:57.408-08:002017-02-28T15:46:57.408-08:00Yes, exactly -- in many ways, I've lost a cert...Yes, exactly -- in many ways, I've lost a certain tribe, or feel as if I have, one in which so much of my thinking fit without having to work to create context, without having to feel defensive about a perspective and methodology that doesn't sit as easily elsewhere. . .<br />As for "accomplishment metrics," oh yes. . . I hear you . . . <br />And I keep hearing the voice of a yoga teacher who told me, as I shared some trepidation ahead of retirement, "You are not your job, Frances," and "You are not your island," as I prepared to move. . . To me, this is all work that has to be done, and I'm glad to hear that you've found it so as well. . . materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-51951489846479632312017-02-26T08:15:28.062-08:002017-02-26T08:15:28.062-08:00I spent about 18 months, all told, interspersed wi...I spent about 18 months, all told, interspersed with illness and family issues, focused on constructing a good retirement for myself. The thing is that jobs are not just their content, they are a structure, a community, a reward system, a library, so much. When you leave jobs, you, or at least I, need to refactor the components they provided into other parts of your life. And it's not 1:1. Can't replace one part of the job with one other thing, it's more like 1:3, or 3:1. <br /><br />It was very hard for me to relinquish the notion of accomplishment metrics, and I am only managing to do so now that I have backed away from my blog and into more public service. But accomplishment is a little torturous for me, that's why I've never had hobbies which require finishing things;). I have no doubt you will sort this out, but I would not be surprised if it took longer than seems reasonable. xox.LPChttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18209861350905135093noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-20725436685595174372017-02-23T15:32:05.237-08:002017-02-23T15:32:05.237-08:00I am so on the fence. Had a great class today and...I am so on the fence. Had a great class today and then came back to piles of silly forms to fill out and endless departmental politics. I wish I could have the class without the institution. Definitely not an ideal world!Lynnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13402459402926219046noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-21818117597935349342017-02-23T06:50:34.649-08:002017-02-23T06:50:34.649-08:00It's surprising, isn't it, how much time a...It's surprising, isn't it, how much time and energy relationships can take, more for some of us than for others, I think, and because it's a "background," in our life, we don't always recognise the upkeep required. Being on my own really helped recharge -- sounds as if you "get" that completely. materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-44745889908146206682017-02-23T06:47:46.799-08:002017-02-23T06:47:46.799-08:00Thank you so much for sharing this, BuffaloGal, su...Thank you so much for sharing this, BuffaloGal, such a moving and meaningful contribution to our conversation. How wise you were able to be at such a painful, difficult time. And it seems to me that you're saying something really important about the relationship between continuity and change, because in both the huge loss of your husband and in your move into retirement, you countered change by maintaining continuity through joy and beauty and love and being present. Powerful, thank you!materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-49417923555162836962017-02-22T11:50:12.936-08:002017-02-22T11:50:12.936-08:00Seems to me that you really needed some time on yo...Seems to me that you really needed some time on your own to begin to sort out this new phase of your life, so well done for taking it. I am always amazed by how much more I get done when my husband isn't around and how my routine goes out of the window, in a good way. Relationships take a lot of time and energy, as do friendships, much as I enjoy and appreciate them. The crucial thing is to recognise that need to have some time and and enjoy it. And you did.Catherinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588437065757203375noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-30408101087893795632017-02-22T07:50:26.372-08:002017-02-22T07:50:26.372-08:00I was widowed with two young girls at age 34. I sp...I was widowed with two young girls at age 34. I spent decades in a blur of work and being Mom and Dad. Losing my husband clarified one thing for me though. I really focused on putting our "new" family together and making if different- not tragic. Our threesome travelled, read, visited museums and explored different options. I had a sense of urgency that life is fleeting and I wanted to explore beauty and nurture my girls back to a solid place. I made choices to bring beauty in all its forms into our lives. 27 years later, I can tell you it was worth it! My daughters are adults with fascinating and different from average careers. To bring this back to the retirement theme, I tried to do the same thing for myself upon retiring. I took a year to just "be", I tried to immerse myself in the things that I love. I wanted time to bring this same love and attention to my grandchildren. I wanted to be available to help my daughters in a way my mother wasn't available to me. After all, the only constant in life is change. Be easy with yourself and try to focus your time on what brings you joy. It works for me.BuffaloGalhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01955877675474643525noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-64263834983092563672017-02-22T00:21:21.712-08:002017-02-22T00:21:21.712-08:00Hi Frances, Ceri ...hope you don't mind me com...Hi Frances, Ceri ...hope you don't mind me commenting here but your reply Frances, really resonated with me ... " last couple of decades and our chance to decide what really matters" ...great title for a blog post! I find myself agreeing with all you're saying and yes, being flexible at this time in our lives seems so important as does trying new things. So often people seem to long for the "freedom" that retirement can bring just to fill it with an inflexible routine. Hope I don't sound too judgemental but I think you'll both understand what I mean. Rosiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15718521437964866609noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-59463859095871172002017-02-22T00:03:35.822-08:002017-02-22T00:03:35.822-08:00Yes, my husband "gets it" too and it is ...Yes, my husband "gets it" too and it is nice to have alone time ... Just having yourself to consider for a while re activities, what and where to eat, have coffee etc :) mind you there is always a tiny part of me that's thinking "should I have gone? :) ) Always good to have options!Rosiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15718521437964866609noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-43825559040030208572017-02-21T06:48:54.471-08:002017-02-21T06:48:54.471-08:00In fact, not going with my husband felt a bit like...In fact, not going with my husband felt a bit like what they're calling a Staycation -- did you find the same thing? I love to travel, but one of my favourite ways to spend time is in my own home, with no one else there. Luckily, my guy understands it's about me, not about him ;-)<br />And yes, I'm feeling much better, and I've sent the little doll off to my g'daughter in Rome. Can't wait to see what she thinks of her.materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-9640747838432638572017-02-21T06:46:39.358-08:002017-02-21T06:46:39.358-08:00Brenda, this urge to cocoon is strong in me as wel...Brenda, this urge to cocoon is strong in me as well, and having seen the consequences for my mother of giving in to that urge, I'm really trying to get out there now and develop networks and routines outside the condo. I look forward to chatting with you about this over lunch before too long. materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-29686563382040621842017-02-21T06:44:26.462-08:002017-02-21T06:44:26.462-08:00Exactly so. We need to sort out what will work for...Exactly so. We need to sort out what will work for us, given these -- let's face it -- last couple of decades, our last chance to decide what really matters. For most of us, the place will be somewhere between Completely Selfish and Hopeless Martyr to Others' Demands. . . and I suppose there will be a few who thrive right at the poles as well. . . (and I have a few of the same friends, although mine aren't yet retired. Whether they never had families because they were constitutionally unable to, or unsuited for, compromise, or because not having children meant they were never forced to develop that flexibility is impossible to know. I do know that getting together can be a real challenge -- but every time, I see freshly and applaud the relative flexibility I have picked up along the way. . . materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-72760087573179589732017-02-21T06:38:55.371-08:002017-02-21T06:38:55.371-08:00Lucille, you articulate my reality so well. There ...Lucille, you articulate my reality so well. There are so many things I'm happy enough to do, with, as you say, no solid reason to say no. . . but then those all pile up all over the clock, and there's no quiet left for recharging, and the creative happenings just don't. . . . Tinkering away, hoping I'll eventually get it right. . . (and of all the interruptions to the puttering and the creativity, that first grandchild. . . oh!)materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-25281824339866088422017-02-21T06:35:26.227-08:002017-02-21T06:35:26.227-08:00You so often say just the right thing -- I love th...You so often say just the right thing -- I love this notion that I'm showing my grandchildren, through the doll, what love and craft can do together.<br />And yes, for those of us whose eyes are bigger than are stomachs when it comes to what we want to do, it's very important to find a balance, to be able to recharge. We can't do everything at once, but we're so lucky to have so many choices.materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-29995149918321071642017-02-21T06:32:59.892-08:002017-02-21T06:32:59.892-08:00I can't imagine teaching PoliSci in that conte...I can't imagine teaching PoliSci in that context. . . I do regularly miss the chance to guide young people as they explore what citizenship means (which we do as well through literature (my discipline) and, really, all the humanities). My intention had long been to teach well past 65, having begun late. But the last couple of years I was so tired and so often quite unhappy, nearing depression -- something had to give. . . And now I'm happy to offer up my wandering path as your primer ;-) I'm definitely an example of someone who didn't have everything worked out first!materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-46340238990219541142017-02-21T01:26:32.513-08:002017-02-21T01:26:32.513-08:00I've really enjoyed reading this post Frances ...I've really enjoyed reading this post Frances ...cause for reflection "should I stay or should I go" re Portland. I've made the same decision recently. I had the opportunity to go with my husband, while he worked but as we're away now and would only be home a day before setting off again, I decided it would be good to have some time at home :)<br />Hope you're feeling much better now ....I just love the doll ...it's so cute. I imagine your granddaughters will keep her for many years to come.<br />Hope your weeks going well.<br />RosieRosiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15718521437964866609noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-77947123542350477752017-02-20T16:21:56.685-08:002017-02-20T16:21:56.685-08:00This post is fascinating to me, as I face my retir...This post is fascinating to me, as I face my retirement next January. What will I do with all that time? How and where will I travel? Will I be too isolated as the urge to cocoon is very strong in the introvert part of me? There is much food for thought in your post and the other comments. BrendaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-17665634443667076412017-02-20T08:41:46.564-08:002017-02-20T08:41:46.564-08:00This is such an interesting topic, Frances, and on...This is such an interesting topic, Frances, and one with which I am contending too. Lucille has put my feelings into words more eloquently than I could, and many other friends above make very good points. <br /><br />I think we all have to find our place between the two extremes and that is not easy (I speak as one who did not get to her laptop at all last week - other than for my one day of paid work - due to dealing with various issues which sprang up with my nearest and dearest but I am happy to have been able to help out in a crisis. Not so sure I'd be so keen if this became a regular state of affairs. <br /><br />I have friends, now retired, who are single and have never had children. They live their lives exactly on their terms and while I applaud that, there are times when it is rather difficult to get together, take a trip, meet for a meal or whatever, because they are so inflexible. Ultimately I feel that they will isolate themselves. <br /><br />Each to their own, I guess.Ceri in Bristolnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-18616338588097387482017-02-20T06:34:55.746-08:002017-02-20T06:34:55.746-08:00Protecting free time is a challenge isn't it? ...Protecting free time is a challenge isn't it? Justifying an activity to oneself as being worthwhile enough in other's eyes is a poor technique but hard wired in me. Especially when asked to do something for others that you are willing, nay happy to oblige with, and have no cast iron reason to refuse. Except, that sometimes you should feel able to set aside the time for yourself with no justification needed. Nothing creative happens to order. You need time to allow creativity to emerge and that doesn't happen at all if you are always ready to jump to attention when called. More thoughts on this in future posts here will be very interesting to this first time grandma.Lucillehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14414527658216916537noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-56585568480760994822017-02-19T16:08:43.817-08:002017-02-19T16:08:43.817-08:00I did not know that Salazar preceded Franco and th...I did not know that Salazar preceded Franco and that there was political<br />upheaval into the 70's. Our awareness is so focussed on US politics. It is as Pierre Trudeau said about living next door to an elephant.<br />Madame Là-bashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16703782237948233124noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-86915011554133797692017-02-19T14:28:36.124-08:002017-02-19T14:28:36.124-08:00Now there's a fun thought :)Now there's a fun thought :)Coastal Rippleshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13355914194686166834noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-64991973006095898542017-02-19T12:32:24.154-08:002017-02-19T12:32:24.154-08:00This doll is amazing! Your grandchildren are so ha...This doll is amazing! Your grandchildren are so happy to be able to learn what art/love/craft looks like :-)<br />Very interesting topic:<br />first of all,the goal for one has to be feeling good and healthy-in body,mind and spirit( as it is posible i.e. to find a balance and steady state if living with the chronic illness)-to be able to give to the others. <br />Our problem, Frances, is that we want so much of everything at once and have too many interests and things to do.<br />I have to remind myself daily that I could do and enjoy still a lot of things,but not at the same time. <br />DottoressaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-76754695052472699082017-02-19T10:54:25.546-08:002017-02-19T10:54:25.546-08:00That was not me.That was not me.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16879695097809867720noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-77190487736363388992017-02-19T10:42:02.585-08:002017-02-19T10:42:02.585-08:00I'm using this as a primer for retirement. It...I'm using this as a primer for retirement. It's a relief not to think I need everything worked out before I retire. There was a time when retirement was planned for two years from now, but teaching political science in the US now has moved from challenging to heartbreaking. I feel as if I am giving up, but perhaps it's simply time to refocus energies in a different way. I'd like to be able to sleep again and read something for fun!Lynnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13402459402926219046noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-53421065241148125232017-02-19T08:42:50.256-08:002017-02-19T08:42:50.256-08:00Yes, hooray for B! I love her blog too :o)Yes, hooray for B! I love her blog too :o)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com