tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post4721764311276641142..comments2023-10-11T04:09:53.564-07:00Comments on materfamilias writes: Remembering and Making Memories at Christmasmaterfamiliashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comBlogger25125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-77462792532411575842013-12-20T13:58:31.880-08:002013-12-20T13:58:31.880-08:00You're very welcome, Renie. Aren't the com...You're very welcome, Renie. Aren't the comments thoughtful and wise!materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-90517339817526785562013-12-20T13:57:23.559-08:002013-12-20T13:57:23.559-08:00Even in the deepest losses I've so far experie...Even in the deepest losses I've so far experienced, there are moments of solace, particularly in the drawing together of family and friends. But this is probably because in those moments, grief is allowed expression. Legislated joy, as you so trenchantly term it, is different. Pushing away grief only serves to give it more power. ...materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-36025264231672066382013-12-20T02:38:23.665-08:002013-12-20T02:38:23.665-08:00Thanks for a beautiful post. It resonated very str...Thanks for a beautiful post. It resonated very strongly for me-as do all the comments. <br />Renie xAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-45131682363270175652013-12-19T16:11:51.983-08:002013-12-19T16:11:51.983-08:00Losses during the holiday season are especially po...Losses during the holiday season are especially poignant. We lost a best friend and a sister at this time, so I share your feelings. This is one of the awkward things about Christmas, the legislated joy. But sometimes we are not in that mood, and it's fine to give jolly-making a miss. Christmas will be back every year, these wonderful people will not.Duchessehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09986153653120526776noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-88853341101212853812013-12-19T13:30:48.301-08:002013-12-19T13:30:48.301-08:00What a beautiful post. I have a tiny family, and w...What a beautiful post. I have a tiny family, and we lost two this year. On the other hand, the young members are a wonder. Younger son was in a car wreck this morning, and it was heartening to see his visiting brother dash out door to help. Daughter-in-law, who is not well, got up to make him brownies after our hours in the hospital. All is well now (except for the car which is totaled and minor injuries) so I am thankful for the love they share and hope for the future even while we miss those who are gone.<br /><br />LynnAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-71759937260978014982013-12-19T11:36:16.067-08:002013-12-19T11:36:16.067-08:00Much easier to deal with the mortality of a 93-yea...Much easier to deal with the mortality of a 93-year-old who was active until days before his death than to contend with those cut down in earlier years -- although the presiding minister wisely noted, yesterday, that we still grieve those elders we love and miss. I have to admit I fall back on the old "Make the most of the moments we have, tell your loved ones you love them" etc. etc. And try to let the joy and the grief inform each other. . . .thanks for commenting in your own time of struggle. xomaterfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-20520703309918325152013-12-19T11:32:06.508-08:002013-12-19T11:32:06.508-08:00It must be so hard for those who face loss regular...It must be so hard for those who face loss regularly, their friends moving on, one by one. I was impressed, yesterday afternoon at the reception after the funeral, to see those aged 85+ still active, still out at funerals, still finding ways to make life matter. I'm trying to store up some of that -- sometimes it feels as if it won't be long. . . Meanwhile, let's enjoy the family we have and remember those we've lost. . . materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-48352943457693417962013-12-19T11:29:06.484-08:002013-12-19T11:29:06.484-08:00Even second-hand, this one hits. That simple trans...Even second-hand, this one hits. That simple transposition of the order of their names, so very poignant. And the beautiful, sad reality that without your mother's loss, you might not get to see this tender care on your father's part. So complicated. Take care. . . materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-69855213702052429012013-12-19T10:59:23.618-08:002013-12-19T10:59:23.618-08:00F: That generational photo is beautiful. I hope yo...F: That generational photo is beautiful. I hope you enjoy it often, for many years to come (even if that joy is tinged with grief). And my thoughts go out to your sister's family. A loss is SO hard (understatement) at any time, but at holidays, even more so. I've been grappling in various ways with the concept of mortality these past few months and, really, I've got nothin'. I wish I had something wise to offer up... Happily, I know many others do.K.Linehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15350615302797686048noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-54719574430254697252013-12-19T07:39:49.183-08:002013-12-19T07:39:49.183-08:00That is a sad and beautiful post which resonated w...That is a sad and beautiful post which resonated with me as I had a dinner with my mother last night. We intended to go to the Blue Christmas service but she heard that afternoon that another dear friend was in hospital. Today, we are taking a poinsettia to his wife who has Alzheimer's. We are lucky to have our elders with us to see the four<br /> generations and we visited with the whole family on Sunday. Our tree is also large and diverse. Your bracelets will be a reminder of the love that your mother felt for her girls even when the days were growing a bit foggy.Madame Là-bashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16703782237948233124noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-63434902240839255402013-12-18T20:54:42.433-08:002013-12-18T20:54:42.433-08:00It hit me today again, when I opened up a package ...It hit me today again, when I opened up a package that had come in the mail. It was for my newest granddaughter - a beautiful book and an expensive blanket from my mum and dad, her great grandparents. The gift was like nothing ever before sent to the children for Christmas. The card, beautifully written, was in my father's hand. That's what hit me - his care in purchasing, wrapping, writing - all the things that my mother once did. The cards always used to be signed 'Dad and Mum', but my dad had, of course, signed his name last - 'love, Mum and Dad'. Such a gift, all his effort and for a moment all I could feel was all that my mother has lost in the last year. <br />It's back to the joy of the season now, but I am swinging back and forth.Pondsidehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02407539138546412482noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-70060075766643246252013-12-18T20:44:37.613-08:002013-12-18T20:44:37.613-08:00How fresh is your loss, Debbie? I suspect this is ...How fresh is your loss, Debbie? I suspect this is an important part of our role as elders, transmuting this loss into some kind of wisdom -- even if the wisdom is just our own lives as testament that one can carry on after loss. I think you are wise to try to create new traditions or shake up the old into new shapes. . . . But I also think it might be okay for us to let go of the idea that Christmas has to be eternally enchanting. Perhaps we want to focus on a different season. Or perhaps to make every day our focus rather than building toward a once-a-year event. . . materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-64401020507792112382013-12-18T20:38:40.656-08:002013-12-18T20:38:40.656-08:00I think that's part of the season's richne...I think that's part of the season's richness, isn't it, the constant reworking of memories and joys and sorrows so that new traditions are built, evolve. . . . materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-29713404905576810182013-12-18T20:37:37.279-08:002013-12-18T20:37:37.279-08:00I've put some distance between my Catholic upb...I've put some distance between my Catholic upbringing and one-time deep faith, but what I still carry and think very worthwhile is the way the Mass celebrates the dependence of the one upon the other, suffering and joy, sad and festive. And at this time of year, while the Festive tends to drown out the other notes, they still spring up and ambush us from time to time. Best, I think, to just know that they are there all along. . . but there I go, waxing a bit too philosophical. . . .materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-82163851082410956412013-12-18T20:34:40.870-08:002013-12-18T20:34:40.870-08:00Pretending just doesn't work well for very lon...Pretending just doesn't work well for very long, does it? I admire your attitude instead, acknowledging the difficulty, the unhappiness, knowing that you'll get past it, but accepting where you are for the moment. May you look after yourself through the season, as much as you do for others . . . materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-12047601686363462162013-12-18T20:33:18.267-08:002013-12-18T20:33:18.267-08:00Yes . . . for me it's my Dad's tenor voice...Yes . . . for me it's my Dad's tenor voice that I hear, and miss, at once, whenever O Holy Night is sung by a congregation. . . .luckily these events usually deliver beauty to mitigate against the sadness, but still . . . materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-2570562258869347272013-12-18T20:32:00.967-08:002013-12-18T20:32:00.967-08:00Indeed I will. . . the Beatles were so sure that a...Indeed I will. . . the Beatles were so sure that all we need is love, but I do believe a bit of luck helps, as well. . . Aim for happy, a very good goal. . .materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-76244890006592866962013-12-18T20:31:14.358-08:002013-12-18T20:31:14.358-08:00That is such a sharp visual, the Christmas table w...That is such a sharp visual, the Christmas table with the family around it, and the numbers winking out as the years move along. Still, all those meals together, the happy times, those still echo in that room, don't they, even though there are sad notes mingled within. . . . and yes, I do feel so grateful for that wonderful meal in Stanley Park, the family gathered, and I treasure my bracelet and the memories . . . thanks for thinking of me. Take care, yourself. . .materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-33257284669405997532013-12-18T14:48:05.693-08:002013-12-18T14:48:05.693-08:00Made me cry....Since the loss of my parents, Chris...Made me cry....Since the loss of my parents, Christmas just doesn't hold the same enchantment. Grandchildren, thankfully, are filling the gap but the memories and melancholy remain every Christmas season. Is this just a normal part of the aging process as we lose our parents and do we need to recognize and accept that these feelings will be a part of our Christmas now? I find the need to celebrate a few of the normal traditions but kick it up a notch and create new traditions (like your shopping and dining!) to make it fun for all! Thanks for your post! DebbieAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-46943085169911343772013-12-18T14:39:08.271-08:002013-12-18T14:39:08.271-08:00Such an evocative post. You're right - for ma...Such an evocative post. You're right - for many of us - the holidays are a bittersweet celebration. In the busyness required by the funeral of a family member we sometimes "manage" our grief but find a surprising outlet in the next we attend. The treasured memories become part of our current joys while we build new traditions with those we love. Enjoy your little one's hug or your walk around the park... ilonahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09549380953245364444noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-21852306847793675282013-12-18T13:19:21.502-08:002013-12-18T13:19:21.502-08:00This is a lovely post, Mater, one that resonates w...This is a lovely post, Mater, one that resonates with my feelings. I like the concept of balancing the festive with the sad - both are part of life and together add richness. To ignore one is to deprive the other. The four-generation photo is priceless.Lorriehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03653026442945027184noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-9715266795679074172013-12-18T12:37:02.431-08:002013-12-18T12:37:02.431-08:00We are dealing with some unhappiness here under ou...We are dealing with some unhappiness here under our roof this holiday. I know we'll get through it, but I've decided not to get into the frantic and frenetic this season--I just can't handle it. I like the concept of balancing the Festive with the Sad. We'll do what we can and let the rest fall away until another day.<br /><br />Thank you for this thought provoking post. It helped me understand what I was thinking.<br /><br />Mutti StacyStacyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12424660063345307786noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-48086187714192599952013-12-18T10:21:57.806-08:002013-12-18T10:21:57.806-08:00This strikes a chord with me. I find Midnight Mass...This strikes a chord with me. I find Midnight Mass, or any church service during the Christmas season really, very difficult. Good luck at the funeral.Patriciahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05504513116873595049noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-83071670971124123382013-12-18T09:20:51.494-08:002013-12-18T09:20:51.494-08:00*sniff*
I am aiming for happy this year. A settli...*sniff*<br /><br />I am aiming for happy this year. A settling in of the new family and the old. Wish me luck?LPChttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18209861350905135093noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-2468995778376771732013-12-18T08:31:35.411-08:002013-12-18T08:31:35.411-08:00Loss always seems to hit me when I set the dining ...Loss always seems to hit me when I set the dining table for the family Christmas feast. We used to be 17 all crammed into our wee bungalow and with those who have passed on, and one who suffers from dementia/Alzheimer's and is too confused to be included we are down to 10. Not to mention two who have become estranged and refuse to mend the fences so there is sadness and loss and it is felt much more profoundly at this time of year. <br />I cannot help bug think how fortunate you all were to have had that lovely gathering before your mom passed on and those bracelets are such a wonderful gift. Imagine her thinking this surprise up and getting it done when she was not well....thinking not of herself, but her beloved daughters. <br />I'm going to hold you in my thoughts today. hostess of the humble bungalowhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06453827257671312902noreply@blogger.com