tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post4354080088036499516..comments2023-10-11T04:09:53.564-07:00Comments on materfamilias writes: This is the First Day of The Rest . . . . Oh, You know!materfamiliashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comBlogger49125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-11610294128476839132014-10-14T06:10:24.454-07:002014-10-14T06:10:24.454-07:00That's tough, Deb. I was fortunate, in the yea...That's tough, Deb. I was fortunate, in the years when my Mom needed so much support, to have been able to rely on so many siblings. Over the last months when she needed round-the-clock care (in her own home), I stepped up my visits, and I know that's exhausting not only for the commuting, but also for the emotional processing. I also know that having been there for her means everything to me now. As will it be for you -- and I've seen photos of your mom on FB, heard anecdotes about her there -- she looks like a wonderful and inspiring elder whose care will enrich your life. But how hard for you to give up a position that suited you so well. Somehow, I suspect some transformation will come out of this move we're making into some next stage. There just aren't enough guides into it, are there?! Take care.materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-32750149582972206532014-10-13T22:15:45.738-07:002014-10-13T22:15:45.738-07:00I empathize~ I had a tearful weekend too with simi...I empathize~ I had a tearful weekend too with similar distresses and decisions. Being in three places in a day nearly every day over the last three years has begun to loosen the threads of my well being. Where for you it's being near to grandchildren and spending quality time, for me it's my 89 year old mother in Parksville. To work, then to Parksville, then back to the island-too much. The last two years I rented in P-Ville to try and alleviate the commuting issue, but that's not exactly fair to the marriage. So now I also, this weekend, talked it over with my husband (one of many talks over the last few months) and have decided to retire. As you mentioned in your blog " somethings gotta give". Children grow and those moments can be lost if not witnessed. Parents grow old and will leave this world, and if we can be there for them, our grandchildren, our parents, then I think we are all imbued with an enriched life quality. And as my mother wishes to remain up island and we wish to remain here, it becomes evident what I need to let go of.Debra Sherwood-Brinthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07493010891112489100noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-31763112167542513742014-10-05T17:39:17.548-07:002014-10-05T17:39:17.548-07:00Thanks for adding your comments, Elizabeth, based ...Thanks for adding your comments, Elizabeth, based on experience. I'm not sure, in some ways, that I want to call what I'm doing "retiring" either, although I'm older than when you stopped putting your energy into your job and started shaping your life in another direction. I'm certainly not averse to future employment, but it's just so obvious that the machinery can't keep cranking this way. I hope I won't have family circumstances as difficult as yours to deal with, but I'd like to make more space for supporting my spiritual self, as you speak of, and thus perhaps having more reserves for the family. And I've never spent as much time as I'd like to on my creative energies, so who knows what might be next. An exploration, as you say, at the very least. . . materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-85545810925227331342014-10-03T14:44:00.427-07:002014-10-03T14:44:00.427-07:00This post and then your last response to lpc's...This post and then your last response to lpc's comment in particular resonate so strongly with me. It is five years now since I turned my back on my beloved job. I didn't even retire. At fifty five I was too young for that. I just stopped. I knew I needed time and energy for other parts of myself. Perhaps I wouldn't have known that had I not been seriously ill a couple of years earlier. Was it the right decision? Yes, although I didn't know when I made it that my brother would have a stroke, that my mother would die, that my father would develop motor neurone disease. I thought my time might be given to developing my creativity when it is mostly going into the care of those I love. I am aware that there is an analytical, intellectual, logical, combative side of my nature which is no longer much in use. I think it is part of the Indian (Asian) consciousness to regard the last third of ones life as for spiritual development so I am happy to say that what I am exploring now is a side of myself which I have perforce neglected when I was working. Sometimes it is difficult, sometimes, especially with the grandchildren it is wonderful, Elizabeth Musgravehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09473705107636868753noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-58784093585881584562014-10-03T06:05:29.461-07:002014-10-03T06:05:29.461-07:00I hope I'll sort it all out, but I suspect it ...I hope I'll sort it all out, but I suspect it will be a long process. When I bump into some of my deep resistance, I generally recognize that this has to do with work that I'm going to have to do anyway, eventually -- mostly around the changed social identity or, at least, my perception of it.<br />And much as I love my kids and grandkids, I am wary of letting the Mom/Nana role subsume that identity. I have always responded to family needs so compulsively or, at least, readily, and work has been a good way of drawing some clear boundaries around Me. Except that now those boundaries have squeezed in on me, and it's time for another approach. In honour of the breathing . . . ;-)<br />I do think a visit to SF would be a good thing to fit in my plans somewhere. A good long chat. And then another. someday . . . materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-35040336175651613892014-10-02T17:48:11.454-07:002014-10-02T17:48:11.454-07:00Ah, I've read all the comments now. And your p...Ah, I've read all the comments now. And your post, which rings true. It's been just over year since I worked last. Since you are setting a date out in the future, vs. very very soon, I think your subconscious and your life will help you sort out just what this will feel like. I have found it to be a long process. <br /><br />I doubt it will be a pure substitution of grandparenting for work. I suspect you'll want to replace full-time teaching with some other activities and interests - but it would be so hard to know now what they would be. Or so, at least, I have found.<br /><br />i am glad you will be able to breathe. xoxox.LPChttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18209861350905135093noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-13932769617111205202014-10-01T20:14:03.781-07:002014-10-01T20:14:03.781-07:00Thanks, Marianne! It helps to hear so much unquali...Thanks, Marianne! It helps to hear so much unqualified support. materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-53534369786250236272014-10-01T20:13:02.005-07:002014-10-01T20:13:02.005-07:00I've been thinking of just that! We should hav...I've been thinking of just that! We should have a walk, no?materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-23704522650134831562014-10-01T20:12:44.187-07:002014-10-01T20:12:44.187-07:00Yes, this will be a great deal of the difficulty f...Yes, this will be a great deal of the difficulty for me, letting go of that professional identity, hard-earned as it was relatively late in life for me. But I tell myself that's work I'm going to have to do eventually anyway, and better to do it while I'm still active with many other possibilities for making a meaningful life. And yes, the grandchildren are a delight!materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-80750010760434150822014-10-01T20:10:32.753-07:002014-10-01T20:10:32.753-07:00I rather wondered why I'd post this now, Stacy...I rather wondered why I'd post this now, Stacy, but I think you're right -- I'm testing the waters, looking to see what the statement looks like on the screen. . . materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-58689184838026374732014-10-01T20:09:45.638-07:002014-10-01T20:09:45.638-07:00Sweet babies and exciting adventures -- I love it!...Sweet babies and exciting adventures -- I love it! Thanks for the perspective! And you'll be off soon on your own fabulous adventure! Buon viaggio!materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-81710242797411404722014-10-01T20:09:08.095-07:002014-10-01T20:09:08.095-07:00And Lynn, I just realized what your post signifies...And Lynn, I just realized what your post signifies -- you've just lost your father, after the bad fall he had. I'm so sorry! Do be gentle with yourself -- closing down the parental home will be emotionally exhausting far beyond the physical work involved. Take care.materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-80876488355660112702014-10-01T20:04:57.477-07:002014-10-01T20:04:57.477-07:00I have almost given up that hope that there will b...I have almost given up that hope that there will be a calm space outside the coffin . . . and perhaps that's okay, although sometimes I think boredom might be a nice novelty.materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-8695870172660735112014-10-01T20:03:48.363-07:002014-10-01T20:03:48.363-07:00Thanks, Brenda. It's growing rapidly! And I gu...Thanks, Brenda. It's growing rapidly! And I guess knowing how small that windows is-- when the kids are small enough for us to enjoy each others' company, before they're much more interested in their friends--we want to spend more time with them. I'm a bit surprised how steadily this compulsion has crept up . . .;-)materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-66609432166591825592014-10-01T20:02:03.397-07:002014-10-01T20:02:03.397-07:00I'll be teaching a while longer, but have got ...I'll be teaching a while longer, but have got much closer to pinpointing a date, and I'm accepting that this will mean a smaller pension than I'd hoped. As for the island, with all our children and grandchildren living in another city, we'll be spending more and more time there, and I suspect it will become too much to maintain both places. I'll be very sad when it comes to that, but I'm expecting there may be new excitements, and we'll find other ways to entertain the grandkids (altho', yes, it was long my hope to be able to let them know this special place as they grew)materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-11756814685422766882014-10-01T09:20:34.723-07:002014-10-01T09:20:34.723-07:00I strongly believe that this period of our lives i...I strongly believe that this period of our lives is 'our' time and is to be cherished, and I am so sure you are doing the right thing and that now is the time to start moving in that direction and I wish you all the luck in the world with the changes that are to come. They will all fall into place in time because you will always be supported in doing what is right. There. Enjoy xxCatherinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588437065757203375noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-19540581001191089852014-10-01T09:02:34.373-07:002014-10-01T09:02:34.373-07:00just think of all the drawing and painting you mig...just think of all the drawing and painting you might be able to do...Alison Watthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09768315542282472901noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-12309596723968219482014-09-30T21:48:57.044-07:002014-09-30T21:48:57.044-07:00Exhilaration, relief, anticipation, doubt, anxiety...Exhilaration, relief, anticipation, doubt, anxiety and regret. Although I knew it was the right decision when I retired late last year, the prospect of such a big change is daunting.<br />I think the hardest part has been, and still is, to let go my professional identity, perhaps partly because our generation of women had to fight so hard to achieve it.<br />How delightful to have more grandchildren to look forward to while you plan for your next project, life outside the paid workforce.<br />LilibetAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-43564299308484812282014-09-30T19:30:04.938-07:002014-09-30T19:30:04.938-07:00I thought of you, actually, because I know your mo...I thought of you, actually, because I know your move from your lovely To. home had to be wrenching in many ways, and yet it's obvious how much you're thriving in your new city. And obviously, you don't lack for meaningful ways to fill your time. Thanks for the understanding. . . materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-20172995311983832322014-09-30T19:28:52.274-07:002014-09-30T19:28:52.274-07:00I think you're right, thank you. It's just...I think you're right, thank you. It's just a question now of envisioning myself at the next stage . . . materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-23757455540955424822014-09-30T19:28:09.230-07:002014-09-30T19:28:09.230-07:00That's what I'm hoping about having a fini...That's what I'm hoping about having a finish line in sight. I, too, want to sort some income issues firmly before making a definitive decision, but I'm getting much closer.materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-57583714532274815552014-09-30T19:27:14.399-07:002014-09-30T19:27:14.399-07:00Yes. Yes. Yes.
and thank you. You're a good e...Yes. Yes. Yes. <br />and thank you. You're a good example of life beyond retirement. . . .materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-75134906812098410992014-09-30T19:26:19.044-07:002014-09-30T19:26:19.044-07:00Ah, you've done this in spades, haven't yo...Ah, you've done this in spades, haven't you! You know whereof you speak. Part of my frustration of the moment is that there isn't room for the kindness my self craves, not the self-kindness. But I'm trying to find little pockets of it. Thanks!materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-88991147302516680962014-09-30T19:25:17.238-07:002014-09-30T19:25:17.238-07:00Busy in a good way absolutely makes sense. That...Busy in a good way absolutely makes sense. That's what I'd love to get to. My husband has been there for a few years now, working on contracts, serving on boards, babysitting, cooking, ever since he retired. <br />Thanks for the kind words about the blog and about moving forward. materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-6403602133059127112014-09-30T19:23:45.043-07:002014-09-30T19:23:45.043-07:00;-) TY!;-) TY!materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.com