tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post429545701927184969..comments2023-10-11T04:09:53.564-07:00Comments on materfamilias writes: Duck, Duck, Goose: Making Mistakes, Having Fun. . . .materfamiliashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comBlogger27125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-53013292062841328602017-08-02T08:21:31.501-07:002017-08-02T08:21:31.501-07:00I wonder if that's part of what's going on...I wonder if that's part of what's going on -- there was just not time to feel this when working, so I'm much more aware of it now. Your method of dealing with it seems very wise. Most days, the waves do subside, I hope...materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-35416984643210667432017-08-02T08:20:05.309-07:002017-08-02T08:20:05.309-07:00The options of that generation for discussing diff...The options of that generation for discussing difficulties were so limited, weren't they? My mother was depressive, and one of the most poignant things she ever said to me was that she envied us (her by-then parenting children) our communication skills. .. .materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-9726506897315541132017-08-02T04:04:36.760-07:002017-08-02T04:04:36.760-07:00I know the feeling you describe, this existential ...I know the feeling you describe, this existential doubt about getting up at all. I did not feel it very often while I was working, then I was just plain miserable because I had been ripped out of my sleep and pushed out of bed by the alarm clock at 5.30 am, contrary to my natural rhythm. But at the beginning of the holidays it would be there every morning for some time, then diasappear. I have come to link it to physical and emotional exhaustion. My way of dealing with it was just sitting still, letting the waves roll over me, hoping/trusting that they would subside.Eleonorenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-24992564653981389132017-08-02T01:07:03.099-07:002017-08-02T01:07:03.099-07:00Well she was probably into her seventies and I am ...Well she was probably into her seventies and I am not that age yet but she may well have been feeling it long before she spoke of it. We never talked about things like the menopause or ageing. My father had dementia and was ten years older than her. That was tough. Their life was much more difficult than we children ever appreciated or could have understood. Although her oft repeated refrain of, 'You don't know the half of it' was a tad unfair as you can't have it both ways!Lucillehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14414527658216916537noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-67589634909005752702017-08-01T16:43:50.738-07:002017-08-01T16:43:50.738-07:00Interesting -- do you remember what age your mothe...Interesting -- do you remember what age your mother was when she spoke of that? And are you at that age yet? (see above, my response to Ceri in Bristol, I'm curious about whether this has to do with age). And your self-consciousness is something like, I'd say, and the space it does take up to push away or block the catastrophising. Yes. Yes....materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-12709398479990134832017-08-01T16:41:41.345-07:002017-08-01T16:41:41.345-07:00Ah, you're very welcome, Jeannine, and thank y...Ah, you're very welcome, Jeannine, and thank you for commenting.materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-39724798448311473662017-08-01T16:41:22.462-07:002017-08-01T16:41:22.462-07:00Yes, and once I get up and about, most days I see ...Yes, and once I get up and about, most days I see the good stuff pretty clearly. Ducks and all. ;-)materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-46890649851071798822017-08-01T16:40:33.023-07:002017-08-01T16:40:33.023-07:00Another who can relate -- I'm so surprised to ...Another who can relate -- I'm so surprised to find this much company. Do you think it might have to do with the ageing? I don't remember it being so much a presence, particularly in the early hours, as it is now. . .<br />materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-62207060978494115852017-08-01T16:38:44.793-07:002017-08-01T16:38:44.793-07:00It IS work, and I didn't have/take the time to...It IS work, and I didn't have/take the time to do much of it while I was doing paid work. I admit, though, that I have always tended to be a harsh judge of my own efforts and accomplishments, and although I also found my former work engaging and satisfying, I'm glad that I can now afford to spend some time-- and most importantly, now have the energy, on this process. We do what we can when we can, right? Ah, that old balance.. .materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-35386654938949969742017-08-01T16:33:52.922-07:002017-08-01T16:33:52.922-07:00I'm with you, Ali. Evidence, some days I need ...I'm with you, Ali. Evidence, some days I need evidence.materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-40311255674299852642017-08-01T16:33:23.611-07:002017-08-01T16:33:23.611-07:00Well, at least we early risers have dispatched our...Well, at least we early risers have dispatched our existential weight, sent it packing long before the rest of you are getting out of bed. . . Pretty sure that Pater would commiserate with you, though, although (and is this a gender thing or is that too reductive an explanation?) he doesn't feel guilty or defensive about his slugabed tendencies. Whoops! Sorry, that word just slipped out. I'm not judging ;-)))))materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-14090413212443753322017-08-01T13:00:25.837-07:002017-08-01T13:00:25.837-07:00Thank you for responding! I realized after leaving...Thank you for responding! I realized after leaving my comment that I was dumping my problems on you - and probably not helping you with your transition to the noise of the city... Apologies! I do love many aspects of Vancouver - the city has done an amazing job with bike routes and parks and public spaces. <br /><br />Thankfully, we do have a possible end-date to our stalemate, as early retirement is only 4.5 years away (or full at 9.5) and he doesn't plan to stay in the city beyond retirement. But he loves his job for the moment. And I'm apparently not quite ready to leave my life here!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-87495726004851670482017-08-01T12:15:23.117-07:002017-08-01T12:15:23.117-07:00Thank you so much for that, Georgia. I'd forgo...Thank you so much for that, Georgia. I'd forgotten -- had to go searching for that post, and I guess I like that sketch as well. xomaterfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-91085880131069713012017-08-01T12:10:35.153-07:002017-08-01T12:10:35.153-07:00Yes! You too?Yes! You too?materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-34982120018565655292017-08-01T12:10:18.775-07:002017-08-01T12:10:18.775-07:00That's tough, and you may never be ready. I...That's tough, and you may never be ready. I'm still not completely sure I am/was, but it seemed time to jump. . . When it seems time for you (or him!) to move, I think you can find ways to smooth the transition. It's what I'm working on now. . . materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-61855226622444564162017-08-01T12:07:52.145-07:002017-08-01T12:07:52.145-07:00Scanning the comments, I'm surprised to see ho...Scanning the comments, I'm surprised to see how many of us share this. And oddly comforted by the company.<br />Stage-set-painting sounds pretty artistic to me! <br />So interesting what you say about choosing the wrong word, the way that "mistake" holds a truth of its own. . .And about the way it takes time to see what that might be. Thank you!materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-21779674788695277082017-08-01T11:18:16.083-07:002017-08-01T11:18:16.083-07:00My mother used to talk of that weight on waking, s...My mother used to talk of that weight on waking, sometimes even terming it more strongly as a sense of dread. I am an early waker and don't have that sensation but do feel increasingly self conscious as time passes in a way I never felt before and there is too much mental catastrophising which, while I try to block it, still takes up a space that wasn't being filled that way before. Clear as mud?Lucillehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14414527658216916537noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-44035915125288516642017-08-01T04:26:32.160-07:002017-08-01T04:26:32.160-07:00Thank you for your honesty. I can related to much...Thank you for your honesty. I can related to much of what you write. You give "food for thought" and it is appreciated.Jeanninehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08899506698574749866noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-23544489796275632812017-08-01T01:12:45.016-07:002017-08-01T01:12:45.016-07:00I know what you mean about the moments of doubt . ...I know what you mean about the moments of doubt . Though there are other moments when we really appreciate our good fortune & realise we do acquire a little wisdom as we go along , well some of us do - I can think of many who haven't :) Nice ducks <br />Wendy in York Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-26193393742605390302017-07-31T21:52:13.049-07:002017-07-31T21:52:13.049-07:00'a sort of existential weight, a doubt about w...'a sort of existential weight, a doubt about whether it's all worth getting up for, an awareness of mortality and time passing' oh my goodness, you have put into words exactly what I have been feeling more and more. And then feeling more and more guilty and careless of my privileges each time. Thank you so much for sharing this brave admission. I have deliberately not read the comments above before posting this so I am going to see now whether this resonates yet more widely. <br /><br />And I love the mallards - and your Italian grand daughter will love hers even more...Ceri in Bristolnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-38786390188957502752017-07-31T20:41:06.475-07:002017-07-31T20:41:06.475-07:00This training oneself to allow imperfection and to...This training oneself to allow imperfection and to keep coming back, very aware and conscious of the process is HARD work. I know because I've aspired to it - and have a sense of the cost. At times in the past I've engaged in that kind of work but now have mellowed into acceptance that my current stage of life - primary breadwinner in a demanding but fortunately engaging and remunerative job - just doesn't allow that kind of focus and mindfulness of my inner life. I've always assumed I'd get back to it on a few years when I downshift and then retire. But as I read your ever-evocative writing the spark of reaction was that maybe I don't want to after all. The things I would have aspired to "fix" no longer trouble me so much. They seem part of who I "am" for better and worse. I have no idea if this represents a healthier acceptance for me, if I'll again find joy in the inner journey as I once did, or if I'm just tired. <br /><br /><br />All this is no comment on your work as you seem only curious about how you might change your experience and not at all self-flagellating. Still I know it takes courage to keep going back to what frightens or frustrates and admire your dedication. I think I'm just tired��KHhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06298386085201297027noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-65611736607585111772017-07-31T20:23:00.534-07:002017-07-31T20:23:00.534-07:00I really believe that there should always be some ...I really believe that there should always be some sort of reminder kept of any creative endeavour. How else can you prove to yourself that all the struggles are worth it on the days that you question why you do it......whatever it is.<br />Ali<br />Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01087735525738707731noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-77600114960039358142017-07-31T19:28:52.103-07:002017-07-31T19:28:52.103-07:00Existential weight..love that phrase, if not the e...Existential weight..love that phrase, if not the emotion that prompts it. Mornings are hardest for me too, if I'm not feeling my usual "bounce." Especially as I am a slow to start person in the morning and live with someone who gets shot out of a cannon every morning before 6:00, usually. Why is it that early rising is seen as so much more "worthy" than later rising? I'll never understand that. What I love about that page of geese is the crowded, half finished snippets which make me think of the constant, quick alertness of the birds. I'm not saying that well. But it's late and I was uncharacteristically up at 6:00 this morning. Yawn...bedtime. Night. Sue Burpeehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07282970328494769657noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-60086817595160351992017-07-31T18:52:28.295-07:002017-07-31T18:52:28.295-07:00Remember, you are the woman who sketched those bla...Remember, you are the woman who sketched those blackberries. (I just looked at that sketch again, and I still like it so much. You wrote about your dad.)Georgiahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10305981957174091874noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-45172495567104719682017-07-31T15:44:41.272-07:002017-07-31T15:44:41.272-07:00Yes, the existential weight can be quite a stone. ...Yes, the existential weight can be quite a stone. I find that I sometimes have a day or two, without any discernible rhyme or reason, when the heaviness leads to inertia. Then just as unaccountably, on the second or third day, I spring up with enthusiasm. Quiet seems to turn the tide.<br />Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04174162283476551873noreply@blogger.com