tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post3697231546613681458..comments2023-10-11T04:09:53.564-07:00Comments on materfamilias writes: Acceptance as/or Re-Inventionmaterfamiliashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-74134930993447333082009-09-04T21:34:38.002-07:002009-09-04T21:34:38.002-07:00Mardel: Yes, it's one thing to "give up&q...Mardel: Yes, it's one thing to "give up" some of those aspirations, but the lingering . . . as you say, part of being humanity and silly to deny. We adjust and we know we are wise, but there lingers something nonetheless. ..materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-64831590297003305622009-09-04T09:54:08.858-07:002009-09-04T09:54:08.858-07:00This is really a fascinating and oh so relevant po...This is really a fascinating and oh so relevant post. In one sense I gave up that striving to "be the best" years ago when I gave up my corporate job and my VP suits. But all of those insecurities, and strivings, and occasional regrets linger. I think it is part of being human. But leaving your mark and making a difference do not have to happen on a grand scale. I think the small things we do and enjoy are often the ones most remembered, most lasting. <br /><br />I think you must have some intellectual leanings if you worry about these things; but are not cosumed by ambition, which is a good thing.Mardelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04850551308931710502noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-30517688089436077352009-09-04T08:12:44.193-07:002009-09-04T08:12:44.193-07:00Pseu: The practicalities of health care, riding ou...Pseu: The practicalities of health care, riding out, getting outsourced, etc., that you address are exactly the knife's edge of the balance I'm aiming at. It's one thing to embrace self-acceptance and eschew ambition, but one must also satisfy the demands of one's paid position enough to keep getting paid. In academia -- as, I know, in upper-level corporate life -- the "job" is never, ever "done" and weekends, summer holidays, evenings and late nights are all fair game for more and ever-more research. So finding a way to pay Caesar and God, so to speak, becomes a big challenge . . . but must be done!<br />Gina: Exactly! And since there is always going to be someone "better" somewhere, that quest to be best is doomed to result in our unhappiness. Gradually, I hope, we learn that contentment can be attained in gentler, perhaps smaller, ways. If students feel I've inspired or supported them, that will substitute, for example, for the books I could/should have published instead of the articles. <br />Tiffany: Yes! This choice does make a difference in what one can reasonably achieve, and that's a fair cost, I believe. But sometimes there's a glimpse of what might have been, what we could have done otherwise, and there's a momentary twinge -- not of regret, ever, but nonetheless recognition of a lost possibility, a price paid. Overall, a price I'd pay over and over and over. Your G-G sounds like a wise woman!materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-31714917947158219412009-09-03T17:22:51.137-07:002009-09-03T17:22:51.137-07:00Fascinating post. I know the guilt that comes with...Fascinating post. I know the guilt that comes with being not ambitious enough (for whom?) ... I made the conscious choice, along the way, to put serious ambition/intellectual pursuit aside while my children were young. Do I regret it? Not for a second. Yet I do sometimes envy friends of mine who have pursued those goals. And now I am itching to exercise my brain again, but I don't think I'll ever be able to be single-minded about it. Life has too many facets to devote yourself to just one. As our Governor-General (mother of five, grandmother of lots!) has said (and she's probably not the only one) - 'Yes, you can have it all, just not all at the same time'.Tiffanyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11536212906241844509noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-8738032334572874982009-09-03T15:18:59.078-07:002009-09-03T15:18:59.078-07:00Lovely post! It's so relevant to all. When did...Lovely post! It's so relevant to all. When did it become such a push to be "the best"? And what does that mean? Why can't we be happy as a shopkeeper who provides wonderful service and creates a lovely retreat for her customers? Why can't we be happy to just be still and quiet without music, etc.? <br /><br />I think we all have the longing inside to know that we've made a difference, and I think we forget that it doesn't have to be the cure for cancer in order to make a difference. <br /><br />You give your family, your friends, your students, and your readers a gift -- the gift of your time, your love, your energy, your insight... what could be more fulfilling and making a difference than that?Ginahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13631687084204022574noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-61821513305543733712009-09-03T10:36:26.380-07:002009-09-03T10:36:26.380-07:00Very interesting ruminations, materfamilias.
As s...Very interesting ruminations, materfamilias.<br /><br />As someone who spent my 40's climbing the corporate ladder, I'm now as high as I'd ever imagined I'd want to be, and wish to go no higher. I look forward to new projects and challenges, but beyond that I'm content to "ride out" whatever time I still have with this position/employer. (It's probably only a matter of time before we are outsourced or "restructured" out. The big worry is keeping health insurance going; it would be next to impossible for us to purchase health insurance on the individual market due to "pre-existing conditions.")<br /><br />I think it's fine and healthy to "work to live" and take time out for hedonism. My work/life balance philosophy has always been more aligned with the European model, anyway. And I love the quote that Duchesse posted, so true!Susan Bhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16005855250089328310noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-32060806387857562712009-09-02T18:39:06.034-07:002009-09-02T18:39:06.034-07:0060/16: Thanks! Your posts on life after retirement...60/16: Thanks! Your posts on life after retirement inspire me to look forward to that stage. Meanwhile, I love much about my work, but I could do without the constant sense that I could do more. . . . nature of the beast!<br />LPC: If you lived nearby, I'd invite you over to discuss the matter over G&Ts. Intellectually, of course.<br />Duchesse: A very wise quotation indeed. Part of my problem is from a mismatch between my own ambitions and the demands of my profession. Part of it is a propensity for guilt developed in childhood and then nurtured through motherhood. But I'm working on it, re-inventing myself as a self-accepting being!<br />Lesley: I think that outside our academic world, it's hard to understand how porous the boundaries are expected to be between work and personal life, and how integrated into every daily hour the expectation that research will be advanced. While it might have been easier to buy into these values if I'd begun this work earlier, coming into it in late middle age meant my perspective kept, and keeps, me sceptical. Sceptical, but still susceptible.<br />Up/Down: Those reminders come in different forms, sometimes joyous, sometimes frightening, but they're always worthwhile for their (however temporary) power to direct our eyes to a bigger picture. May you continue to see your life as a success for some time! I find it's a constant negotiation, but a state worth striving for again and again.materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-71059828424247456982009-09-02T16:59:57.788-07:002009-09-02T16:59:57.788-07:00i felt...under-accomplished recently. measuring my...i felt...under-accomplished recently. measuring myself against someone else's success, or idea of success, did not feel good. but then i had a separate reminder that life is very short. in each moment, am i doing what i want to be doing? <br />yes.<br />success.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-13888123907324805272009-09-02T12:17:01.195-07:002009-09-02T12:17:01.195-07:00I have no wild ambition to climb up the academic l...I have no wild ambition to climb up the academic ladder either. It irks me, however, that others try to impose their greed for power on us: demanding that we publish a certain number of papers in certain journals, on certain subjects, in the name of the university's "visibility". They threaten us with various punishments including doubling our teaching hours. So that now when I read something for pleasure, I feel not only guilty but also worried and insecure.Lesleyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13498909370147354617noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-81357369026303510192009-09-02T12:03:19.604-07:002009-09-02T12:03:19.604-07:00"Ambition is really a form of power, the desi..."Ambition is really a form of power, the desire for power over myself and over others, the power to do something better than anybody else. In ambition, there is a sense of comparison; and therefore, the ambitious man is never really a creative man, is never a happy man; in himself he is discontented. And yet, we think that without ambition we should be nothing, we should have no progress. Is there a different way of doing things without ambition, a different way of living, acting, building, inventing, without this struggle of competition in which there is cruelty and which ultimately ends in war? I think there is a different way. But that way requires doing something contrary to all the established customs of thought. When we are seeking a result, the important thing is the result, not the thing we do, in itself. Can we understand and love the thing which we are doing, without caring for what it will produce, what it will get us, or what name or what reputation we will have?" J. Krishnamurthi<br /><br />Says it all for me, ma. Sorry about the "man" bit.Duchessehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09986153653120526776noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-75644759602201847732009-09-02T09:49:39.496-07:002009-09-02T09:49:39.496-07:00In fact, true intellectuals are extremely devoted ...In fact, true intellectuals are extremely devoted to their best friends and their gin and tonics. I read it somewhere, I think. In a very dusty book, most likely.LPChttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18209861350905135093noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-23272843423522926742009-09-02T09:26:38.326-07:002009-09-02T09:26:38.326-07:00I don't think that you should ever feel guilty...I don't think that you should ever feel guilty about taking time to do things that add to the rich brew and that go towards making you who you are. I am now more-or-less retired, and thankful for it because I was in a demanding and deadline-driven profession and was becoming more and more desperate to have the time and energy to do other things. And sometimes to have the time and space to do nothing. My income has plummeted, so treats are now very occasional - but all the more joyous for that. For example, I treated myself - in the summer sales - to a fuschia pink linen shirt, which has given me immense pleasure. And this must be infectious because people say encouraging things about the shirt - and smile at me when I'm wearing it . . .<br /><br />I'd hazard a guess that when, in future years, the students at your university look back, you will be one of the people they remember - and remember with gratitude because of the way you taught, as well as what you taught.60 Going On 16http://60goingon16.typepad.comnoreply@blogger.com