tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post2595382978062979604..comments2023-10-11T04:09:53.564-07:00Comments on materfamilias writes: Resolved: Look for/at the Horizon(s)materfamiliashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comBlogger36125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-19336623333343913612017-01-06T16:34:59.323-08:002017-01-06T16:34:59.323-08:00Another kindred spirit. I think it was good that m...Another kindred spirit. I think it was good that my guy retired four or five years before me -- and he continues to work several contracts or sit on various boards, so that takes him out enough. And as you suggest, we're beginning to find some times and spaces to get the alone time we need. But it's still a work in progress.<br />materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-13229510396146780882017-01-06T16:33:21.878-08:002017-01-06T16:33:21.878-08:00This is what I find -- it's really hard for me...This is what I find -- it's really hard for me to disregard any needs I perceive in the vicinity. My husband is like yours in being able to switch off -- and even when he's being social, there's always a level of his energy that's held back. Socialising simply doesn't cost him as it does me. And the balancing act -- you've articulated that perfectly. I get accused of doing too much, but that's often what I need to "feel alive and validated." Yet clearly I tip over occasionally into wearing myself out. Balance needs to be re-calibrated regularly, especially these days...materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-71652600497561638612017-01-06T16:29:22.142-08:002017-01-06T16:29:22.142-08:00A slightly acerbic summary, but yes, it works! I w...A slightly acerbic summary, but yes, it works! I was becoming a wee bit curmudgeonly about nonsense towards the end of my pre-retirement life and am trying to get back to tolerating a bit more of it now (of the variety that might deserve toleration, that is, if that makes sense)materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-86661306399050602422017-01-06T16:27:26.273-08:002017-01-06T16:27:26.273-08:00You are fortunate -- I used to enjoy the same, esp...You are fortunate -- I used to enjoy the same, especially during the years my husband worked in another city during the week -- It's one of the biggest adjustments of retirement.... we're working on it, but it's a wee challenge ;-)materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-66824226288233582332017-01-06T14:06:08.219-08:002017-01-06T14:06:08.219-08:00(for better or worse but not for lunch)
That first...(for better or worse but not for lunch)<br />That first year when he retired was a HUGE adjustment for me.<br />Now we have drifted into - he is up early, and I am at my laptop or reading in the evening when he has gone to bed early. And even our small garden, is big enough for 'where are you?' <br /><br />I get peopled out very quickly ;~)Diana Studerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12286066768376135880noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-12077113035857980172017-01-06T08:12:34.820-08:002017-01-06T08:12:34.820-08:00I completely get the alone time thing and for me i...I completely get the alone time thing and for me it is partly that I seem to be attuned, like a radio receiver, to my nearest and dearest and their presence. So to have total peace I need to be physically alone. Ian does not get this as he is very good at switching off from other people when he is engaged with something. I hope you manage to achieve less if you know what I mean. It's a constant balancing act for me between doing enough to feel alive and validated and taking time to simply be. Good luck!Elizabeth Musgravehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09473705107636868753noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-37373561563333881592017-01-04T20:11:54.242-08:002017-01-04T20:11:54.242-08:00It does seem you can't go wrong with more veg ...It does seem you can't go wrong with more veg ;-) Carry on . . . materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-5523188394581663332017-01-04T20:11:20.117-08:002017-01-04T20:11:20.117-08:00So many of my uni colleagues were like me, Wendy -...So many of my uni colleagues were like me, Wendy -- we can all perform quite well -- most of us even enjoy it -- in front of the lecture hall or classroom. But once classes and student office hours are over, we're quick to shut our doors and hole up in our little rooms. It wouldn't surprise me to learn that many actors are introverts as well. <br />Sorry about the soggy ploughed fields, although to be honest, I'm secretly wishing for a sustained bit of rain. . . .materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-11683389782335909592017-01-04T20:08:20.595-08:002017-01-04T20:08:20.595-08:00Even though we love having them around, right? And...Even though we love having them around, right? And then I just want to go to my room and read in my bed with the door closed. . . . materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-1614002482483530542017-01-04T20:07:06.511-08:002017-01-04T20:07:06.511-08:00Yes! A great anecdote to illustrate how deeply cod...Yes! A great anecdote to illustrate how deeply coded some of this stuff is. Ah, I do guilt so well. Sounds as if you do too ;-) Working on it though, right?materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-55462517236502956532017-01-04T20:06:03.630-08:002017-01-04T20:06:03.630-08:00We do have some possibilities for carving out spac...We do have some possibilities for carving out spaces here, and we're also finding ways to use public spaces in the neighbourhood -- he likes to go for a coffee and read the paper there, for example, or work out at the gym downstairs while I get the place to myself. And yes, there could probably be more downtime in my schedule ;-) Thanks for the kind words about blog and photos, much appreciated!materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-68512840111935188092017-01-04T20:03:17.995-08:002017-01-04T20:03:17.995-08:00Yes, you have so much going on right now, Dottores...Yes, you have so much going on right now, Dottoressa. I hope you find time for some self-care as well as for caring for others. Hope you manage some time at the coast -- it sounds beautiful there, replenishing.materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-77386681827274103732017-01-04T08:02:42.652-08:002017-01-04T08:02:42.652-08:00I know exactly what you mean about needing the pla...I know exactly what you mean about needing the place to yourself every now and then and it sounds like other friends do too. I shall look forward to hearing how you negotiate this, indeed I shall be there behind you notebook and pen poised...<br /><br />My new year's resolution is to eat more veg. I think we can all get behind that one. Going well so farCeri in Bristolnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-87024611201815638652017-01-04T00:04:41.153-08:002017-01-04T00:04:41.153-08:00Might this need for quiet time be an extrovert/int...Might this need for quiet time be an extrovert/introvert thing ? I enjoy company but need to recharge with quiet time . One of my sisters is the opposite , she's happy to be alone for a while but needs the excitement of company to recharge . I've sometimes wondered if you have to be an extrovert to teach , as it seems rather like being on stage to me - am I wrong ?<br />I'd like to see snowy mountains from my windows - just soggy ploughed fields here at the moment .<br />Wendy in YorkAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-49981104928490084252017-01-03T22:29:36.882-08:002017-01-03T22:29:36.882-08:00Oh, I totally hear you on the alone time - and the...Oh, I totally hear you on the alone time - and the 'doing nothing'. I desperately need stretches of no company other than the pets, so when everyone is on holiday and hanging around at home, I actually get quite tense. And I have a spouse who considers quiet (reading, puttering, cooking) time to be a) boring and b) non-productive. I hope you find plenty of you time this coming year! Tiffanyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11536212906241844509noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-73723583644583592422017-01-03T21:08:24.858-08:002017-01-03T21:08:24.858-08:00You have had a couple of very busy, busy years, yo...You have had a couple of very busy, busy years, young lady...filled with huge life changes... you deserve some down time! <br /><br />But...still... I do know what you mean about "observant" husbands who might be judging one's "productivity" ... when, of course, they aren't doing any such thing. Sigh. It's the guilt thing. <br /><br />Like, for instance, the day my mum called and when I said that I might read all day, she said I should have "something done" before Stu came home in case he thought I wasn't "earning my keep." "Really, Mum?" I replied,"Did you hear what you just said?" This from a mum who, as a single parent, raised three daughters to stand on their own two feet. And even though she was somewhat joking, I reminded Mum that Stu did not "keep" me... I had worked just as many years for my teacher's pension as he had, after all. Then I hung up and proceeded to feel guilty for doing "nothing." <br /><br />I know you'll get "it" all figured out eventually, Frances, and will share some of that figuring with us. And we appreciate that:) Meanwhile... enjoy your view!Sue Burpeehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07282970328494769657noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-10844411085618970122017-01-03T12:57:22.870-08:002017-01-03T12:57:22.870-08:00Didn't he do a good job with that? Apparently,...Didn't he do a good job with that? Apparently, he had considerable fun trying out the different models....materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-25251440352510651542017-01-03T12:56:27.085-08:002017-01-03T12:56:27.085-08:00Back and forth, that pendulum, and every once in a...Back and forth, that pendulum, and every once in a while we magically hit balance! ;-)<br />I'm not sure the photos do capture the essence of Vanc'r (where's the rain?!😂, but I do tend to orient myself by those mountains. . . materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-85485691772105389892017-01-03T12:53:18.705-08:002017-01-03T12:53:18.705-08:00You're definitely not alone in this, Carol -- ...You're definitely not alone in this, Carol -- as I've found I'm not by mentioning in it. We are, apparently, a small tribe ;-)materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-51963275774690507552017-01-03T12:52:24.324-08:002017-01-03T12:52:24.324-08:00I think that's right, about the blogging. It i...I think that's right, about the blogging. It invites closer attention to daily life and it helps us find one of our tribes. materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-86966877825051551752017-01-03T12:50:57.779-08:002017-01-03T12:50:57.779-08:00Isn't that a good resolution? xoIsn't that a good resolution? xomaterfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-435828165061544812017-01-03T12:50:30.954-08:002017-01-03T12:50:30.954-08:00What truth you pack into your second paragraph!
So...What truth you pack into your second paragraph!<br />Sounds as if you'll be hitting the ground running -- and yes, you might be right that this is what eldest daughters do. But try to take care of yourself as well. And watch out for all the ice!materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-89929152841284908192017-01-03T12:48:46.936-08:002017-01-03T12:48:46.936-08:00Interesting. The pressure I put on myself also com...Interesting. The pressure I put on myself also comes from my childhood family and there's something about academe that reinforces that tendency (and perhaps that's why personalities like mine -- and maybe yours -- choose it, unconsciously?). I like your goal. I hope you have some success with it -- good practice for retirement someday...materfamiliashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062766947897513369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-60838776480881044532017-01-03T10:56:41.723-08:002017-01-03T10:56:41.723-08:00Well I'm in AWE of your photos. The dire looki...Well I'm in AWE of your photos. The dire looking sky and the majestic mountains. Snow everywhere. In every way NOT like my humble view: rolling hills; smallish mountains; cozy non threatening skies....the Northwest is amazing. So my hubs and I lived in a condo off and on over a 2 year period but he was out working 5 days a week. In a small space I think of things like set up the guest room as your alone space (when it's not being occupied). And without that is it possible to have a wee screen to 'define' the space? Being retired means having time to dream and read and write and laze a bit. I would recommend cutting back your schedule just a little so you can do those things. Your schedule over the last couple of years overwhelmed me but then I'm probably older and a little less kick ass than yourself. I look forward to your newsletter and photos every day. <3 sallyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06806047379435354835noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904021173466473381.post-85060702195150613962017-01-02T22:48:04.220-08:002017-01-02T22:48:04.220-08:00Being alone for a while every day, was always nece...Being alone for a while every day, was always necessary for me,time to regenerate,more and more esssential as time goes by. Time to reflect,time for things to settle down,time to read,find solutions,concentrate......in my work as well in my private life (and than I could continue,being better,stronger.....but it is hard for people around one to understand that they'll have to let it go for a while, to get more in return)<br />Last year was very demanding for me-this year would be,too<br />I have space,I simply don't have enough time for myself<br />I'm thinking about a week or two alone at the coast (if it would be possible at all)...<br />Your last year was very hectic and emotionally hard,one needs some time to adjust some old traditions,set new habits to love and enjoy,new paths to go (and run :-)!)....<br />It would be interesting to read about it!<br />Your view is so beautiful,those mountains far away....lots of possibilities......<br />DottoressaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com