Tuesday, July 21, 2015

A Sketchy Post. . . Against Recalcitrance!

I'm feeling oddly recalcitrant about the blog at the moment. I suspect it's because, having made some steps toward more social activities, I'm wanting to be more selfish about the time that I'm on my own. Reading's taking priority over writing, and there's been some napping and some hammocking and perhaps some Netflix. Piano-playing, sketching, knitting. . . .
Not too much writing.

I think that the 15th anniversary, yesterday, of my Dad's death might be a factor as well, stuff to process again and all that. And then I'm heading to campus today to finish clearing my office; to decide, which, if any, files to transfer from the university computer to my own; and probably to hand in my set of keys. So, yeah, emotional. . . Too much to bare here in the time I'm willing or able to spend on writing at the moment.
Recalcitrant, then, about being here. Dragging my feet when it comes to The Blog.

But. And it's a big one. . . I do know that The Blog is really all of you, and I want us to stay connected. So I thought perhaps I'd share a few pages from the Illustrated Journal I've been keeping.


























That's it, that's really the best I can do this morning, so I hope we're still good. Actually, I know we are, because you've always been the kindest, most generous, most supportive readers a blogger could hope for. Which is why I couldn't abandon you no matter how recalcitrant I might feel. Happy Tuesday!

26 comments:

  1. I understand perfectly. Monsieur just got another of my book boxes out so my weeding is progressing. I am starting the longest stretch of time at home that I have had since retiring so I am getting more involved with literacy projects and the community food project. I am quite happy with my diminishing wardrobe but don't feel that I need think about clothes so much right now. I think that the recalcitrance is just a natural part of the experience. My sketching pencils and the Paris needlework are also being neglected. Have you watched The Bridge on Netflix? Good luck with your office! It will be a bittersweet experience!

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    1. Good to hear that the culling is moving along. I'm almost done mine as well. Culling the wardrobe worked well for you, and it makes sense that you enjoy not having to think about what you're wearing. As for the sketching and the needlework, each to its season, right? Haven't seen The Bridge, but will begin it this week, on your recommendation.

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  2. Sad moments and memories,happy moments, yes,bittersweet,that's all life.....Maybe there is time to think,or just be for a while......not to write about it. We'll wait....
    I like your watercolors and sketches, this is sometimes better way to contemplate than words
    Btw. I like original Bridge,Borgen and Killing (danish version) very much. I've just finished first season of Arvingenre ( the descendants)
    Dottoressa

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    1. Thanks, Dottoressa. I don't know about Arvingenre, but will check. I tried for a long time to track down The Killing here in its original version (with subtitles, of course), but had to settle for the American version which I ended up liking quite a bit.

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    2. I found these series (with english titles of course :-)) via British (can't remember which channel),tv and my friends .Descendants were on our tv
      Dottoressa

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  3. Still here:).

    And, I took a whole month off when I got married and everyone was still here when I got back. Maybe what you need to be doing is photos and drawing - you were a professor of words, after all. xox.

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    1. Thanks for the encouragement, Lisa. I think that my anxiety about this transition from my work identity into my retirement one makes me reluctant to take a break from the blog right now. And perhaps that anxiety leads to the recalcitrance. . . once I get started on a post, there's always enjoyment, and of course the comments are always so lovely. xo

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  4. I intended to offer some admiration for the way you are spending your days, but I can't stop peeking back at your Still Life with Blackberries again and again! I like the commitment of ink to the berries. And (maybe this is the tie between those two things), I like the idea of the time it must have taken to draw each little drupelet (is that the name of them?).

    Enjoy... berries and long, leisurely days. :)

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    1. I almost clapped my hands gleefully at this comment, Georgia. The sketch is such an amateur effort but to think it drew you back pleases me so -- there's something there that I managed to communicate. And then through it, I discovered a new word. Yes, "drupelet" is correct, but I can only say that because I looked it up. Drawing those is a wonderful example of the difference in the way photography lets me engage with the world and the way sketching does: that time!

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  5. Oh mater- please don't give up on your blog! For reasons I can't go into here just let me say that I have been lifted by your posts! Take time for yourself, sketch more, write less- but keep posting. Pictures speak so well :).

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    1. So very kind of you to take the time to tell me that, Johanna. And no, I don't think I could bear to give the blog up. I don't think I've taken more than a week off, though, in 8 years, and some days the words hide themselves away. Good to know that on those days, readers seem receptive to pictures in stead.

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  6. Hey - sometimes you feel the blogging and sometimes you don't. I couldn't begin to write when I was in Ireland. It sapped my every creative urge. And there are other times when I haven't written simply because I didn't feel like it. Just like Mr. Iyengar says: we do yoga to live, not live to do yoga. By association, we blog as an expression of our lives, not the other way around. :-)

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    1. Thanks!
      Of course, sometimes I want the rewards of blogging but wish it didn't take so much damn work. It's a time-suck, no?!

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  7. Mater - take a break if you need to. You are dealing with such a lot of transitional stuff that it is hardly surprising if the Muse has shuffled off for a bit. Or has taken on a new guise. Enjoy the summer and smell the roses for a bit.

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    1. Thanks, Ceri.
      My problem is that I'm still addicted to the connections the Blog offers. I should work on that, right?

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  8. Yeah, we'll let you off...don't let this delightful blog become another To Do in your life. We will still be here when you are ready to come back.
    Like you, spent yesterday in school throwing stuff out and clearing my classroom for the next incumbent. Presents, cards, good wishes and gin were the order of the day. And now?! Suggestions on a postcard.
    Handing over the key/pass: weird but good. Enjoy.

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    1. It is weird, isn't it? But yes, good as well. Celebrate yourself and what you've done!
      In the end, the only file I decided to bother transferring was my CV. Time to kick that dust right off the heels. Next!

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  9. It's a delight to peek into your art journal. I've neglected mine for much too long. Committing pen to paper with words is easy enough for me, but to draw requires intense concentration that, once begun, is oddly refreshing. And I always sketch on loose paper as I'm unwilling, as yet, to not have the ability to throw it all away. You're inspiring me to draw in a bound journal. No one else sees it anyway!

    The end of teaching means the beginning of something new. Exciting, scary, sad and happy all at once. Give yourself time.

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    1. It is oddly refreshing -- such a flow experience once the initial confidence-or-whatever barrier's been broken. And you know, the bound journal I picked up was about $12 -- not a huge investment (it's actually spiral bound, so I can rip pages out if I want!). No one else does need to see it, and I think the commitment grabs me more with the journal than on loose pages.

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  10. I am always astonished by how much you seem to fit into your days, and still find time to record so much, and follow other people's blogs, so am not surprised it all feels a bit much at times.

    I too have been thinking of moving on from blogging but will probably continue with the occasional post as I always enjoy the ones I do (and reading those of a few others too). My virtual friends. Enjoy whatever it is you choose to do!

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    1. Oh, Marianne, I love your blog, so I selfishly hope you'll continue posting occasionally. The virtual friends are the hardest part of it to give up, though, aren't they? At least you'll perhaps be here commenting from time to time --

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    2. Of course! Been out of touch recently as on the boat in Sweden for 3 weeks and wifi very tempermental - as was the weather. Will post as soon as I have sorted out my photos (and the garden which has run away with itself while we have been away!) My virtual friend, but very important nonetheless. Big changes going on for you but it will all settle down into a pattern. Keep posting x

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  11. Good luck with clearing your office. I'm sure you'll have mixed feelings. While there are many who enjoy reading your blog and I believe you enjoy writing, when real life calls that should be the priority. Perhaps you are putting too much pressure on yourself expecting to blog as often as you do. Maybe you could cut back on the time

    Ie you spend blogging and prioritise other things. All the best Mary

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    1. Thanks, Mary. So far, I generally enjoy the time spent here and don't often let the sense of obligation settle in, but I do think I'd like to get an honest sense of how much time I do spend on the blog and whether I want to become more efficient with that time, perhaps whittle it down a bit. We'll see. I appreciate the encouragement and understanding.

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  12. Nice post. You are moving forward and experiencing grief -- loss at the same time. And new loss can activate old loss (therapist writing here). You'll write again. Most of us seek what is comforting especially when in transition.

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    1. So true, and the writing is comforting. Just a question of what and how much and when and why. Some sorting ahead. And I've been so lucky in being able to express that and have thoughtful readers support me. Thanks!

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I'd love to hear your response to my post. Agree, disagree, even go off on a tangent, I love to know you're out there, readers. Let's chat, shall we? I apologize, though, for the temporary necessity of the Word Verification -- spam comments have been tiresomely numerous lately, and I'm hoping to break that pattern.

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