Monday, January 26, 2015

Pulling up the Covers . . .

Home sick today, mostly walloped by the emotions stirred up by a celebration of my mother-in-law's life, held yesterday in our little Vancouver apartment. A very informal, but very heartfelt memorial, all of our children and grandchildren gathered with us to remember a woman whose life was centered on her family. Such a relief that she never realized how riven her family had become -- but hard to look around at my four and imagine that they could ever get to such a point, knowing so concretely now that this does happen.
Again, discretion requires me to draw a veil over family matters, but "the blog" deserves at least a mention of this event, these feelings. Hope you'll understand. Also please excuse my lack of response to your comments on Friday's post. Bouncing back soon. . . .

14 comments:

  1. Dear Maderfamilias,

    Sorry about your loss and your understandable emotional state.

    Regarding rents in family relationships, take heart. I am older than you and come from a dysfunctional family of origin. However, in the past few years I have become very close to one of my sisters and am working at getting closer to the other sister. We have a Mother who will soon be 95 and is still living alone. In some ways she impedes the healing of family relationships. Time may not heal all wounds but it does help to place things in proper perspective..

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    1. Thanks for sharing your experience, Sarah, and for your sympathy. I'm so pleased to know you and your sisters are building a closer relationship. Not sure we'll have much occasion to draw closer, but as you say, time does offer perspective. That can be a useful compensation.

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  2. So many of my still teaching friends (aged 60-something) now need a "day for self" occasionally. As we get older and are dealing with intergenerational "things" and with loss, our energy gets drained. There are always "issues" and differences in a family but it is sad when the family becomes seriously divided. My brother always says that it is the role of parents to help their children learn to appreciate the differences before they become adults. Shared experiences like your Italy trip help to make friends of sibling and cousins. I hope that you feel better.

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    1. Your brother's comment is a wise one, and this is what I try to hope I've done throughout my children's upbringing. And we tend to let the squabbling out in the open a bit more as we go, and so I hope we learn to tolerate disagreement and move on rather than shut off. Time will tell . . .

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  3. Rest and heal. None of us are strangers to family riffs and estrangement. If they say they are, I suspect they're lying or in denial. Hot tea and a cozy sweater won't heal everything, but it soothes. Thinking about you. This is such a tough time. I've been there and have the scars to prove it. xo

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  4. A day of warm blankets and hot tea can provide a much-needed balm for both body and soul. Be good to yourself...

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    1. Your kindness is much appreciated. Thank you.

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  5. Hoping you've recovered, from the bug and from the family dynamics. xoxo.

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    1. Thanks, I was back at work the next day. . .

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  6. I'm sorry to hear it's been tough. I hope the sea lions helped to soothe troubled waters.

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    1. Noisy, amusing distractions are always good -- thanks, Mother Nature. and thanks, L. for your kind words. Trying to make some Bordeaux plans, and that's always good for the spirits.

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  7. So hard - and I'm so sorry to read this. We will do the same thing in June, if our son is well enough to attend the memorial. Trouble is, it is all the way down into the East Kootenay - a trip I really dislike.

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    1. I do hope your son is well enough to do that by June. I haven't been to the East Kootenay. Curious to know why you dislike it so. Tough roads?

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I'd love to hear your response to my post. Agree, disagree, even go off on a tangent, I love to know you're out there, readers. Let's chat, shall we? I apologize, though, for the temporary necessity of the Word Verification -- spam comments have been tiresomely numerous lately, and I'm hoping to break that pattern.

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