But together with my husband, I think I've arrived at a big life decision, one I felt instantly relieved about having made, except that within twelve hours I began second-guessing it. I haven't the emotional energy nor the time now to be less cryptic, except that it involves, as you may have guessed, a retirement date in the not-so-very-distant future (not in the next months, but we're not totting up as many years as I'd been imagining. I'm not going to be comfortable disclosing actual dates until HR has been consulted, my rights safeguarded.)
Budget constraints within the universities, particularly within the Humanities, have made a career that I was thrilled to enter (relatively late in life), that I have loved and felt privileged to pursue, increasingly stressful and difficult. The current addition to my teaching load of an event-planning, fundraising, publicity-releasing gig is the breaking point, and a weekend that involved six hours of travel, an opera date, and (lovely) visits with my children and grandchildren was ghosted by worry about what I might be forgetting to do as well as by the 30+ (short) essays I marked in whatever timecrack I could find.
Meanwhile, our family situation is changing dramatically. Three granddaughters -- and we'll have five grandchildren by the end of April. Something's gotta give. . .
|The other day, I noticed that some visitor has nestled two beautifully shaped beach pebbles into the fold of the crow's neck. Who might that have been? I suspect one of my sons-in-law, but it might have been a daughter or a granddaughter. . . .|
This is a jerky, disjointed post, I know, and the photos I loaded for a post last week don't really accompany it in any logical
For now, I know that if I don't post these muddled thoughts now, leave clarification and amplification for the future, I won't post at all today and I might not be able to get back to it for some time. It's a big truth in my life at the moment, this getting ready to let go, to accept what might be coming next or to make what I can of the next wave . . . So this is another one for which I'm just going to grit my teeth and click on "Publish." And say, To be continued. . .