Sunday, October 23, 2011

Playing in the Park: Good For What Ails You!

 A very good antidote to whatever ails you: playing int the park with an almost three-year old. A risk-taker
who nonetheless appreciates a supporting hand

 who can lead one on a merry chase
and really knows how to dig for fun
 an almost-three-year old who appreciates silliness in all its wondrous variety

and knows the value of a prolonged belly laugh. . .
Thanks for all your kind comments on my last post. We spent a reassuring evening with my mom on Friday. She'd been out walking far too much, not able to resist the invitations of friends nor able to tolerate her own company in the condo's quiet. Three days after having a six-inch incision to one's abdominal wall, this is not the best approach to healing at any age, never mind at 80. Despite us having called that we were coming over to make dinner, she'd gone out again, walking with her gentleman friend unbeknownst to us, so I was a bit alarmed at not getting an answer when we rang her buzzer. But Paul saw them walking down the street, and we hustled her inside, made her a cup of tea, and I marked papers while she dozed off. Paul whipped up a meal of coq au vin over mashed potatoes, accompanied by asparagus, and followed with Green Tea ice cream -- she ate it up with gusto! Since then, as before, my siblings have divvied up mealtimes and arranged the sponge bathing and dressing changing. We're so lucky to be able to share these responsibilities.

My daughter's situation is still tough, but she's resilient, and I know she'll be better off in the long run. We're all reeling from a sense of betrayal and are at a loss to know how to respond, having someone we accepted as part of the family for several years walk away from us without apology or explanation or farewell.  Yes, that's cryptic, and I'm afraid I can't do better for now. Again, my daughter's lucky to have a family (partners/in-laws included) that supports her absolutely, mirroring her grief and indignation, helping her find humour in the dark. I'm meeting her in an hour or so for some retail therapy. I'll have Kleenex in my bag. . . .  and some almost-three-year old anecdotes. . .


  1. Well, I'm glad your Mom is doing better but your daughter's situation sounds heartbreaking. I will keep her in my thoughts. It's really great that you have a close and loving family to take care of each other when life gets hard.

  2. Life just plain isn't easy. And most of all the ones we love make it possible in the hardest times. Simple statement, but it's taken me a while to understand. I feel for your daughter.

  3. Mater you are always there helping out whomever needs care or nurturing.
    It's what we mothers strive to do...
    I am sorry to read that your daughter has had her heart broken and that her world has been turned upside down. She'll certainly be glad that you are close by to lend support.

    When you ride the ferry home I hope that the sunshine will cheer and restore your heart.

  4. It sounds like your daughter and family have reason to be reeling from the situation. I hope that the retail therapy is restorative for both of you and that you can appreciate the time together even if the circumstances leading to it are abominable.

    I'm so glad to read that your mother seems to be recovering well.

  5. I'm so sorry that your daughter seems to be going through the same trauma as ours. It's agonizing as parents to know how miserable she's been - even if we ourselves feel it's good riddance to the departed. But friends and family have given firm support, and two months later I'm so proud to see the way she's coping, making new practical and financial arrangements, and coming through. Best wishes and strength to all of you - especially your daughter - at this time.

  6. Dearest Mater

    Have just caught up with your most recent posts and am sending good wishes across the ocean (and continents). Sometimes being a daughter is very hard; sometimes being a mother is even tougher but somehow, we get through it all, although we don't always know how. From what you say of your daughter's situation, it sounds as if she is going through something very similar to what I experienced 40 years ago. At the time, it seemed the worst possible thing to have happened in my life. With hindsight, and in case this is of any help or encouragement to your daughter, it was no such thing and, had it not happened, I might not have learned to be and stay strong, nor to plough my own furrow at such relatively early stage of my life.

    Thank goodness that she has the love and support of both families and of her friends; it makes all the difference.

    And you take care. Watching our children deal with pain and betrayal drains all our emotions too.

    Warmest wishes to YOUR mom, as well.

  7. Your mom reminds me, in the best way, of Unsinkable Molly Brown of the Titanic. Do hope she heals well despite here boisterous activities!

    Your daughter will be in my thoughts. If I am interpreting it right, my first thought was "men can be such a**hats".

  8. Like 60goingon16, I too have experienced the most horrendous betrayal, from which I thought I'd never really recover, turn out to be a *very* good thing. This is not to trivialize her situation or pain, just to offer caring and reassurance.

    Thank you too for the Nola photos, that little girl is such a vital force, and these photos are a delight.

    Can see why you and Pater were worried about your mother's walkabout- relieved to find her... and can also see how appealing that escorted walk may have seemed to her. One time, went shopping for my post-surgery mother only to find her holding a sherry party when I returned.

  9. Oh dear, I can perfectly understand how you might be worried about your mother but it is good to see that she is getting the help and attention she needs.

    And I am so sorry to hear about your daughter, it must be horrible for her and for you to worry about her so. My daughter went through a similar type of experience some years ago, and it proved to be a good thing in the long run, but at the time the sense of betrayal and the rawness of her pain were just terrible. I wanted to wrap her in a protective cloud even as I simultaneously felt a tremendous rage toward her betrayer, which I was at least wise enough to keep under wraps.

    As always, love the Nola photos. Such joy.

  10. Susan T: She's strong and will bounce back, but it's tough to watch, for sure. Thanks for your concern
    Lisa: Yes, exactly.
    Hostess: I did have a cheeringly sunny ride home.
    Raquelita: It's surprising how helpful retail therapy can be -- and we were quite good at it on Sunday. There will be some tough weeks and many tears, but she will be well dressed throughout ;-)

    Anonymous: My sympathy to you and your family -- and kudos for coming through a tough time quite well, it sounds like. I know we'll get there as well. Thanks for your comment and concern.
    60/16: Thanks for sharing your story to help ease mine and my daughter's pain. I think she knows she will be better off in the long run, once she gets over the loss of a future she'd imagined. And such a big shift in the narrative, suddenly finding herself in a different story. . .
    Jillian: I'll have to tell mom -- she'll love that depiction!
    and yes, they can. . .
    Duchesse: Another great mother story -- I love it!
    And thanks for your encouragement re my daughter's situation. We know this to be true, but of course, in her early 30s, she worries about ticking clocks, and despite being gorgeous (yes, I'm biased) is sure she's too old to find someone, etc. . . .Oh, for that crystal ball. . . Meanwhile, I appreciate stories like yours that do show possibilities of a happy future despite (or because of)present sorrow.
    And I always have you in mind, as you might know, when I post Nola photos.
    Mardel: This seems a common theme, doesn't it -- so many who went through this pain to re-emerge happier and stronger. Good to hear.
    Glad you liked the photos of my little girl; she does make us happy!

  11. F: I'm obviously behind the times - and the posts. So sorry to hear that stressful things have continued. Now I have to read backwards and put the pieces together. Wishing you a relaxing next few days (in the scheme of things, at least).

  12. Kristin: It's been tough, but there's much good interspersed. Really hard when your kids hurt though. . .


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